Shah Rukh Khan is allowing us to spend the night in his house, but how will he get us out?
You’ll find me in the back of the walk-in closet, channelling my inner SRK from Darr
Listen, I’m no superhero, unless you count washing dishes at breakneck speed, but I may have just bent the universe to my will. Because Shah Rukh Khan and his wife Gauri have listed their Delhi home on Airbnb for one night. Their actual home. Is this a good idea given our country’s fanatic obsession with celebrities? Probably not. Am I willing to trade vital organs on the dark web to make sure I’m on the guestlist? You can bet your last bitcoin, I am.
I’m not sure they’ve really thought this through, which is surprisingly short-sighted because SRK himself gave me all the material I needed in Darr to make this my new life.
The itinerary of the actual experience includes being chauffered around in a luxury car but why would I leave and go anywhere else once I’ve got in?
According to the announcement, my day will be spent binge-watching Shah Rukh Khan’s movies and questioning his choice of scripts. Once my eyes start to hurt, I’d float from the master bedroom to the dining room in an Armani bathrobe, the official uniform of Delhi power couples, to pig out on the family’s favourite foods.
Your first instinct might be to foolishly imagine oysters with caviar and gold shavings. But remember, my ’90s boyfriend is a dilli ka launda. He may say he wants the duck confit, but we all know he’s thinking about dal fry from Rajinder Da Dhaba.
To recover from my food coma, I’d retire to the bedroom, where I’d sink so low into the plush mattress that they’d have to send an archeological team to dig me out. Or would the thought that SRK has stood shirtless in this very room at some point keep me up at night?
Sadly, I know that seeing the cards that SRK and Gauri exchanged during their courtship framed on the falls will make me rein in my inner Creepika. There’s something about handwritten correspondence between a lovey-dovey couple that throws a wet blanket on a fangirl’s plan to integrate herself into their life.
Want to see more of my future home? Take a video tour of the house and see if you can spot me hiding under the staircase.