Behind every well-dressed woman is her underdressed partner

I’m not a frequent flyer on the social scene. But after being in a relationship for eight years, keeping the romance alive requires some planning. The Van Gogh immersive exhibit was coming to my city, and I snagged a ticket faster than the last bit of biryani at a family dinner. Perfect timing, too – my partner was wrapping up a work trip. I figured it would be a romantic day-long date, basking in the masterpieces of my favourite artist.

I had pulled out all the stops and gone full glam mode with hair and makeup. But as we were about to leave the house, I discovered that he’d chosen to dress like a pubescent teen in shorts, flip-flops, a t-shirt, and a cap turned backwards to hide his unwashed, unruly hair. Despite being awestruck by Gogh’s Starry Night swirling across the walls of the exhibit, I had a grumpy monkey on my shoulder that made me side-eye my partner throughout the day.

So when I saw the now-viral pictures of Justin and Hailey Beiber headed to an event dressed like they’d each received a memo from separate fashion dimensions, I couldn’t help but relate.

Hailey struts her stuff, looking like Bella Goth from The Sims, while Justin hangs back, dressed like a toddler who was allowed to pick his own clothes for the first time.

Clearly, my pangs of annoyance resonated around the world with people who always leave the house with an underdressed partner.

It’s a scene we’re all familiar with.

A woman glides into the room, radiating an air of understated confidence. Her outfit is a symphony of colours and textures, each piece carefully chosen. Earrings that sparkle like the night sky? Check. A neckline that accentuates her long neck but isn’t too deep to catch wandering eyes? Double check.

Meanwhile, her underdressed partner saunters in sporting a t-shirt that might have once been white, and jeans with a mysterious stain best left unquestioned.

Men aren’t used to being told what to and what not to wear since the day they were born: what to cover up when they take public transport, what to wear to impress people at work but not give them the wrong idea, and what you can never wear in front of male family members. Women were kicked into appropriate fashion boot camps from a young age. We’ve been trained to dress up. Don’t forget to smile, OK?

“Women be caring about the clothing you wear instead of the time spent together. Shows what they value,” wrote a social media user on a video that took a jab at Beiber. 

But it’s not about the clothing but the effort being made. This was a big day for Justin’s partner, and just being physically present doesn’t make the cut.

When their partners have an important event at work, women put their best foot forward because they want to show up for their partners, but very often, you don’t see that playing back.

We opened up the conversation to our Tweak readers, and 520 or 83% of 623 readers said they’ve found themselves in similar situations. Dolling up for the partners, only to find that their beloved rolling off the couch and putting on flip-flops, with 578 or 77% of 747 readers wishing their partners made more effort to dress up and look good for them.

It’s about the intention, the thought you put into it, rather than the outfit choices themselves.

Not to sound like a greeting card, but when you make an effort, with freshly washed hair, grooming all done, antiperspirant applied, and a spritz of nice cologne, it does show that you care.

For so long, women were told that if a man shows up, that’s good enough. He’s had a busy day, hard at work, slogging to meet deadlines. But things have changed, and women are no longer willing to settle for the bare minimum from their partners.

Ask them questions about their day, discuss shared interests, and make plans instead of waiting for them to plan your next date night. Don’t banish your beloved chappals, but embrace some alternative footwear options that are comfortable and easy to wear. We’ve got slip-on loafers – this pair from Fabindia goes with everything – Birkenstock, different kinds of sneakers, brogues, heck, even a pair of Converse shoes would do, depending on where you’re heading. Let’s put Superman back in the cupboard and try a better-fitting t-shirt instead. How do we feel about knit? Take a risk, and live a little.

Unless you’re as effortlessly stylish as Rahul Khanna or a genius like Adam Sandler, you probably can’t pull off the underdressed partner look. So make some effort. It’s the thought that counts.