This dating philosophy will reset your love life

When it comes to dating, you could argue that humans have hacked the system. While the male angler fish has to make peace with fusing completely into the body of the female, and bowerbirds turn into part-time architects, building elaborate structures just to get a second look, dating apps democratised our search for love. We suddenly had a wealth of opportunities. Interacting with so many different kinds of people who we may have never crossed paths with in real life broadened our minds, improved our social skills and made us more confident.

While surfing this wave of endless possibilities, we may have ignored the old adage: Everything in moderation.

This cloud grows thicker as we inch closer to the hearts-and-balloons phase of the year, Valentine’s Day. Bumble’s survey found that 1 in 4 (25%) Indians admit they would feel lonely or left out and self-conscious leading up to Valentine’s Day if they didn’t have a date. Even Tweak readers concur, with 28% of singles saying the run-up to Valentine’s Day makes them anxious.

To help you better navigate these uncertain waters, consider resetting your strategy to authenti-date. This translates to adopting a self-reflective, balanced approach to dating, prioritising meaningful connections.

“Authenti-date is about showing the real you to the world so that others get to know and like you for who you are. We want to empower people to do what’s right for them, and date on their own terms and pace,” explains Samarpita Samaddar, India Communications Director, Bumble.

Here’s a checklist to help you evaluate your emotional state.

• Going on dates without fully being present or engaged
• Feeling drained or unmotivated after going on back-to-back dates
• Avoiding dating altogether due to feeling overwhelmed or burnt out
• Not able to be your true self due to fear of rejection
• Quick to dismiss a connection, by focusing on their flaws
• Choosing the same place over and over for an IRL date – no excitement in planning interesting or unique dates
• Not taking conversations forward with potential connections

If any of these sound familiar, authenti-date might be your romantic life raft.

Shahzeen Shivdasani, Bumble’s relationship expert, has a 5-point guide to resetting your love life by taking the authenti-date approach.

Be mindful when you’re believing anxious assumptions

One unsuccessful date shouldn’t lead you to conclude that you’ll just never find your person. “Sometimes it’s not the experience itself that’s the root of the issue, but rather what we make of the experience.”

Prioritise yourself and set boundaries.

Identify what’s zapping your energy.

“Often when we feel overwhelmed, we might feel like a major upheaval is in order, such as pulling the plug on dating. A big pivot isn’t always the best idea, it’s important to understand why you’re feeling weary.” She encourages you to consider whether it’s the amount of time spent or the predictable nature of the date that feels unfulfilling. “Maybe that means switching up your typical date night routine, being more selective (or less selective) about who you’re connecting with. If you usually go on dates at the same or similar restaurants, and you feel that this way hasn’t worked for you, try something new.”

Focus on your “why?”

“Rather than focusing on pleasing others, try turning that phrase around and instead ask yourself what it is you desire, Shivdasani insists. “Though you may be dating to find your life partner(s), there could be other motivators you haven’t considered. Are you dating for new romantic experiences? To meet people who inspire you? Exploring these alternative goals can allow you to shift how you experience the path toward ultimately finding the connections that you’re looking for.”

Any marathon runner will tell you that pacing yourself is the secret sauce to success, and the same is true for finding love. And while you may have a destination in mind, remind yourself to enjoy the journey.