Hydrogen peroxide is a girl's best friend

I’ve spent more time complaining about social media than any 29-year-old should. Like a great-grandmother complaining about how kids these days are ruining everything, I’ve laughed off the robotic dances on Instagram reels, mindless Twitter battles, that borderline dangerous Kiki challenge of stepping out of a moving car and dancing. If nothing else, I imagine it must have caused some traffic jams.

Whether it’s showing off a makeup trend or lip-syncing to another song clip going viral, it takes a certain amount of confidence to put yourself on display like that to a limitless audience online. Though, there are plenty of songs that have forever been ruined by Instagram reels (now that TikTok is persona non grata). I don’t think I can ever hear ‘Aankhon mein teri ajab si’ ever again without visualising some cringe reenactment to KK singing “teri nazron ne dil ka kiya jo hasar sar ye hua…”

But turns out that, ever so often, you encounter a post or reel that teaches you important life skills. I’m as shocked as you are.

Maybe it was my algorithm, or I just hadn’t explored it enough, but in the overflow of content, there are some great hacks, tips and life skills from experts and amateurs alike, sharing their personal experiences.

My best friend was interviewing for a position at one of his favourite design firms. They offered him a position, but he didn’t want to take it. “They measured the success of an employee in a manner that’s vague, I don’t completely understand or agree with it,” he said. 

He sent me a reel by career and finance educator Tori Dunlap about the three questions you should ask interviewers at the end of any job interview. 

In the majority of job interviews, I’ve been through I’ve rarely been asked if I needed any clarifications. When I was, I awkwardly said no and wrapped things up. 

“Job interviews are just as much for you as for the company you’ve applied to. In addition to giving you some much-needed details, asking questions shows that you sincerely care about the position,” writes Dunlap.

And it all makes sense when I thought about it. Stalking the company on every social media platform can only give you so much information about their work culture (toxic or not), policies and employee relations.

Considering we’re going to be spending most days of the week with these people, we should be asking more questions. I was baffled that it took me so long to realise that this is alright and not going to offend the interviewer or lower your chances of getting the position.

I started trawling through, overjoyed at the prospect of picking up new life skills. Building confidence, unwinding, fitness, mental health management and more – there are a lot of reels that have cleared up misconceptions and taught me life skills I wish we were being taught in school. 

Talk yourself up and indulge in the humble brag

“I’m tired of society’s obsession with wanting to humble women,” declares Achieng Agutu. From a young age, women are taught to be small, to take up less space. To say yes when they actually want to say no. That talking about your accomplishments is rude and unbecoming of young ladies.

We need to learn to talk ourselves up. Corrine Moss-Racusin conducted a study at Yale where she did a mock job interview with male and female test subjects. They were asked questions that required them to talk about their achievements and promote themselves.

The women participants easily gave away credit, added negative tidbits to their accomplishments, spoke of struggling and setbacks they didn’t really need to address. In her research, she found that women who brag and promote themselves aren’t liked very much at work. Even though men brag three times as much as women, according to Holly Buchanan of Marketing for Women Online.

Agutu has had enough. “Stop living your life according to other people’s insecurities,” she says. The cards are stacked against us in most situations. So when we do manage to beat back the odds and achieve something, we should take pride in that and celebrate ourselves. Celebrating the small wins boosts our overall confidence and motivates us to reach even bigger goals.

Indulging your inner child could be the best thing for your mental health

So many of us have been called “mature for our age” or “old souls trapped in young bodies”. There was a point in my life that I took it as a compliment. I was going through my ‘I’m not like other girls’ phase.

There’s a difference between having responsibilities as a kid and making them the responsible ones. Psychotherapist Nadia Addesi says that maturing quicker than your age, isn’t really a good thing. “Studies have confirmed that children who experience trauma and abuse mature quicker than those who don’t. You adapted to your environment and the way you kept yourself safe was developing these behaviours at a young age, not because you wanted to but because you had to.”

There are many different kinds of trauma, and there’s no singular ‘right way’ to respond to it. Especially at a young age.

Her advice is, once a week, to do something that we enjoyed doing as kids. Indulge your inner child. Let yourself enjoy doing something you loved but had to give up to be ‘more adult’. It could be colouring wildly outside the lines, having a solo dance party to Britney Spears’ greatest hits or running around without a care like Phoebe in Friends. 

Know your rights: leaked nudes

“Why did you send them in the first place?”

There’s a long list of FAQs for women when their intimate photos are shared without permission or posted online as revenge porn. It’s a frightening possibility for anyone to have their images shared without consent. Especially when society places the honour of the family upon women. A simple online search will show you the saddening number of cases of people taking their life when this happens to them.

It’s hard to imagine what you would do if you were in that position. Lawyer Tanya Appachu reminds us that we do have legal recourse. She explains that if you’re being blackmailed or threatened by someone saying they’re going to leak your nudes, it is criminal intimidation under the Indian Penal code. “It amounts to breach of Right to Privacy under the Information Technology Act, punishable with imprisonment up to 5 years.”

Filing an FIR at a station is not a pleasant experience for many people. Appachu agrees that it is hard but advises we try and file an FIR with the police. In 2018, a man from Bengal’s East Midnapore district was sentenced to 5 years in jail for revenge porn.

Be specific when you apologise if you’re really seeking forgiveness

Why does asking for forgiveness sometimes feel like rocket science? You’d think it’s among the basic life skills we should have. But a seemingly simple 5 letter word carries so much weight.

Saying sorry is one thing, it’s the first step. Owning up to your mistakes and asking for forgiveness is the next. I realised that saying sorry and truly meaning it is a skill that most people need to develop and practice (we have a helpful guide you can read here).

Princy Saini of Get Me Therapy sharesa helpful breakdown of how to effectively and sincerely apologise. There’s one point that stood out to be, something I realised that I’ve been guilty of not doing – being specific.

“When you say ‘I’m sorry if something I said hurt you’ it means that the other person just randomly reacted to something you said,” says Saini. It puts the onus on the other person for getting upset and feeling hurt. Be specific to show and actually take responsibility. She adds, “Instead say ‘I know when I said that you never care about me, it hurt you, and I’m sorry about that.”

Helping someone through a panic attack in absentia

As someone who has dealt with anxiety for a while, I’ve learnt every grounding and breathing technique there is to get me through a panic attack. Or at least manage long enough until my anti-anxiety medication kicks in. But one time, my anxiety came on with a bang and my unsuspecting partner did his best to help but had no idea what to do.

Frozen in my seat, I asked him to stop talking and just sit with me while I dug my nails into his arm (poor guy). We joke about it now, but I realise that if the roles were reversed, I would probably panic myself and not be very sure about what to do. Our most well-meaning intentions could backfire.

Dr Janine Kreft, PsyD has two really great videos that explain how to help a friend through a panic attack. One for when you’re with them in person, and the one which I bookmarked instantly was how to help someone over text messages.

She shares a helpful script for us to follow when someone reaches out for help. Talking them through the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding tool that activates all your senses in the present. Five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing to taste. Such a technique can get them through the initial overload and calm enough to then perhaps get on a call and talk things through.

You can’t sweat your weight away and spot reduction really doesn’t work

I feel personally attacked by Yasmin Karachiwala. I was a believer in three out of the four fitness myths that she busts in this reel. I’m definitely not the only one who thought the more you sweat, the more weight you lose.

For some reason I imagined my sweat being a byproduct of fat being burnt. Creating a pool of sweat around me while doing my exercises, I’d be happy with myself at my ‘progress’, then disappointed when I wasn’t seeing the pay-off. Well, so much for that.

Another popular notion Karachiwala addresses is the idea of spot reduction. Whether spot fat reduction workouts work or not have long been contested among fitness experts. Turns out those abs-only exercises to lose belly fat aren’t doing all that much good for your future six-pack.

Many studies have looked into it and the general consensus has debunked the possibility. Our best bet is sustained resistance training, mixing in cardio for good heart health and a balanced diet.

Hydrogen peroxide is a girl’s best friend

Diamonds are lovely, but in times of need, hydrogen peroxide steps up to do the dirty work. I’m talking about that once a month visit from the red dragon. If you’ve never had a moment of panic after staining your mattress, underwear, pants or skirts, then I’m very happy for you and also very jealous.

Don’t be frightened by the name. Hydrogen peroxide is a mild antiseptic that’s used on the skin to prevent infections. It’s widely used to sanitise, well, pretty much anything. And turns out, it’s a great stain remover too.

Where has this reel been all my life? Considering how easily available it is at the chemist, these are the life skills every person who menstruates needs when learning about periods in sex-ed class.