My ADHD took a break at this wellness retreat

I managed to meditate at The Leela’s new wellness retreat in Udaipur

I always envied classmates who would faint during school assemblies because then they didn’t have to participate in the mandatory meditation sessions before classes. They didn’t have to force their bodies to remain perfectly still with proper posture and chant ‘aum’ with PT sir—a prospect I found next to impossible because internally I was navigating mind-traffic that would make Andheri station seem peaceful. When I got diagnosed with ADHD at 20, it was a bit shocking to have an official name for my crowded brain, but my friends said it was “pretty on brand”.

That same year, I began learning yoga and discovered that for that one hour, it was possible for my brain not to have seven trains of thought arriving at the same time. Each asana came with a different difficulty level, so I was learning new things every week. My therapist said it met my “need for novelty” which ADHD brains often crave. And the reward of visible progress kept me motivated.

However, once again, the one part I just couldn’t enjoy was the meditation. Eschewing movement and stimulation to focus on your breath and be present is basically my personal nightmare. So I used my ADHD diagnosis to get out of it completely.

I ended up quitting yoga after a year because life happened, and the next time I found myself on a yoga mat, was earlier this month. The Leela Group invited Tweak to experience their new wellness programme, Aujasya, a three-day retreat to help you slow down and care for your body and mind—and my editor somehow intuited that this was just what I needed.

I had heard about destination weddings at the Leela Palace Udaipur, but never thought about it as a health getaway so I was excited for the opportunity to take a break in a beautiful, luxurious setting. But more than that, I was curious to find out if there was still hope for me and meditation after all these years.

How a weekend retreat taught me what my ADHD brain considers meditation

Staying still makes me feel the opposite of calm

The Leela Palace is in the middle of the serene Lake Pichola. You can hear the call of peacocks, the fluttering of flocks of pigeons and see the kind of greenery you rarely see in Mumbai. I was mesmerised.

The retreat kicked off with lunch where I ate the best Thai Papaya Salad of my life, followed by an incredibly filling, flavoursome Five Spice Garden Bowl. It turns out, healthy, nutrient-dense food does not need to equal bland torture.

After taking a restful afternoon, we were led to a picturesque little Guava Garden right before sunset, to set our intentions for the retreat. The session was essentially a guided meditation—we deep-breathed and loosened our jaws and I discovered that, there in the lush grass, seated on Aujasya’s special soft cotton yoga mats, I could relax for five minutes. Then I sensed squirrels scurrying up and down the tree nearby and after that, the rest of the session was just a battle not to open my eyes and peek at them.

When we finally opened our eyes, I had not managed to set an intention but I was more disappointed because I had missed the squirrels altogether.

We ended day one with a boat tour of the lake, another wholesome meal and an early night in.

Movement is meditation for me

I was pleasantly surprised with how easily I awoke the next morning for a 6am yoga class outdoors on the Sheesh Mahal terrace. The early rays felt energising, the air was cool and crisp and laced with birdsong. The soft-spoken instructor began the session with light stretches, before easing us into 10 rounds of suryanamaskar. She ended the session with pranayama, including every dad’s favourite kapalbhati and my favourite bhramari (getting to buzz like a bee as an adult? Yes!)

Then the Leela team brought out mudgars, the wooden clubs used in traditional akharas. The instructor for this session, clad all in black and with a dry humour that made us all feel a little less awkward, promised that we’d leave this session happier than when we began. I’ve never seen a smiling pehelwan so I wasn’t sure about that, but just 20 minutes in, as I swung the 2kg club like an ancient warrior, I knew what he meant. This was the most focused I’d been all week. With each swinging and lifting movement, I found myself becoming attuned, flowing. The cacophony in my head had quietened at some point, allowing me some time to enjoy the moment.

As if he read what I was feeling, the instructor said, “Some people find this more meditative than sitting still because of the repetitive movement—once you’re used to it, it can put you in a trance-like state.”

After another nourishing breakfast and a full-body massage at the Leela spa, I spent the rest of the day in my room journaling and eating the sesame-oat cookies the team had left for us in the room. I emerged again only in the evening to head to the most lavish meal of the trip: a traditional Rajasthani thali comprising more than 20 dishes. I sailed back to my room, high on carbs and comfort.

Some things aren’t meant to be

The only session I wasn’t able to settle into was sound healing. After feeling disoriented with it on day two, I attempted it a second time on the third day. The Marwar Hall was draped in blackout curtains, and candles and mattresses were arranged on the floor. We were asked to lie down, close our eyes and just relax.

The soulful atmosphere and reverberating sound fighting with my incessant monologue meant I was trapped in a state between sleep and wakefulness, and it ended up being mentally taxing. But I could tell I was in the minority here. Other guests seemed to deeply enjoy it and one of them who dozed off during the session later told me, “This is the most relaxed I’ve ever been.”

My mood significantly lifted with another wholesome breakfast as well as the doughnuts (a few of us snuck them into our healthy plates from the buffet0, and the last session on the itinerary—a culinary workshop with Aujasya’s head chef Nishad Sebastian. He taught us how to recreate the delicious but healthy Aujasya-approved meals such as the Thai Papaya Salad we’d been enjoying on this trip.

The goodbyes we said after were reluctant—would normal life return us deep into the grind after this much-needed break? En route home though, I found I wasn’t automatically reaching for my phone every other second.

Mindfulness, my way

The Aujasya retreat ended up being quite pivotal in terms of how I regard relaxation. I did not know that the level of calm I felt there was even a possibility for a person like me. And more importantly, I learnt that calmness isn’t a state of stillness, but a state of flow. For me, that comes through steady movement.

The Leela team was kind enough to let us take our mudgars home to continue practising, and even though I haven’t taken it out of its bubble wrap packaging yet, I’ve been trying some other repetitive actions. For example, in addition to my full-body stretch routine every morning, I’ll also take a few minutes to swing my arms back and forth without any weights. It seems to centre me and helps me begin my day on a more mindful note. And isn’t that the point of meditation?