Beyond left and right: A relationship survival guide for partners with differing political views

They say opposites attract, but for 32-year-old media professional, Ankita Johari, that notion hit a snag when the political differences in her relationship with Arvind Kumar, a teacher, came to a head.

Picture it: Ankita, a spirited anarchist at 25, challenging the status quo at every turn, with Arvind, 26, a conformist who always followed the rules. “To navigate the political differences in our relationship, I’d often resort to humour, using lighthearted comments to diffuse tension. Yet, beneath the surface, our ideological differences lingered,” reminisces Ankita, who is based in Lucknow. What was once a loving relationship, now resembled a political debate that had lost its way faster than a GPS in a corn maze. Ultimately, Ankita and Arvind chose to part ways.

Politics isn’t just a complicated topic for most of us; it’s inescapable. It’s like that uninvited guest at a party who insists on dominating every conversation. It has infiltrated my own life, slipping stealthily into WhatsApp groups and discreetly derailing water cooler discussions at the office.

Political differences are often brushed aside without a second thought. But while doing this is easy for Phuphaji’s political prapanch (discourse), when your partner holds drastically different political views, it can strain the very fabric of your relationship.

This isn’t just speculation — studies support it.

• Research from dating platform eHarmony indicates that the Brexit dispute led to the end of 6 million relationships across the United Kingdom.
• Additionally, a 2022 YouGov-Mint-CPR Millennial Survey revealed that Indians often seek out individuals who share their political ideologies, particularly in close relationships like marriage and friendships.
• Similarly, a 2024 survey by Innerbody Research found that 60.5% of respondents in the US admitted that political differences in a relationship were a dealbreaker for them.

As elections approach in various countries, including India, couples with diverging political views are likely to feel the strain. Which leads to the question: Can love exist despite political differences in relationships?

The answer isn’t a simple yes or no. Relationships are as diverse as the people in them, each with its own story and challenges. “A healthy relationship built on shared values, clear boundaries and open communication can withstand disagreements,” explains Tanvi Jha, a Lucknow-based couples’ counsellor. But expectations must be realistic.

Meet and match

To steer clear of an expectation mismatch, experts stress the importance of considering the role of politics in our daily lives before swiping right on Tinder or creating a profile on Shaadi.com. “People have varying levels of engagement with political issues, from casual observation during elections to active daily involvement,” explains Manara Srivastava, a Noida-based relationship counsellor. If politics holds significant importance for you, she advises having early discussions about it in the dating or meeting process, akin to conversations about marriage, children or living arrangements.

In cases where political differences in relationships arise later, she suggests prioritising trust, respect and support over political alignment. “During heated discussions, it’s easy to lose sight of shared values,” she cautions.

Take Mangalore-based Vinaya Kamath, 54, for example, who switched her political leanings in 2014 while her husband remained steadfast in his beliefs. This initially caused significant conflict. “Over time, however, we realised that we didn’t have to see eye-to-eye on every issue. And our long-term goals were still the same,” she says.

Conflict over political differences in relationships can also be avoided by agreeing to disagree or establishing healthy boundaries. For instance, a study published in 2023 revealed that news coverage has the potential to stir up conflicts between partners with differing political views. In response, some couples attempted to find a neutral news source or disengage from following the news altogether.

Role play
At times, political differences in relationships can stem from deep-rooted gender conditioning. Breaking free from these norms is like untangling a particularly stubborn knot – it’s complex, gradual and undeniably necessary. “Over the years, women in our family followed the voting preferences of their husbands or fathers. Our generation is the first to vote independently, regardless of male influence. While it has led to conflicts with my husband, I continue to prioritise candidates who address my concerns, such as safety and education for girls,” says Tanuja Jha, 24, a homemaker from Jharkhand.

On the other hand, Sujata Pandit, 27, a media professional based in Mumbai, only realised the extent of political differences with her ex after they broke up. When the government repealed Article 370 in 2019-20, her ex would often share provocative posts against the move. “Whenever I’d try to have a conversation with him, he’d simply dismiss my perspective, saying I just don’t get it, even though I am a Kashmiri Pandit and my family has been directly affected by it,” she says.

It is a recurrent theme in relationships – partners trying to change each other’s minds and feeling frustrated when they can’t. Accept that political differences in relationships doesn’t mean you have to persuade your partner to adopt your views. “Respect their opinions and try to understand their perspective,” advises Jha.

Need to talk
In cases where political differences in relationships are too polarised, experts suggest seeking the perspective of a third person, such as a family member or friend who may provide a more objective understanding of the relationship. Often, what once felt like scaling Mount Everest may now seem more like a leisurely hike with a picnic basket, thanks to a fresh perspective. “Counselling is also a good place to start. But the goal of therapy should be about understanding and voicing your needs. Talk about expectations and explore solutions,” says Srivastava.

Ultimately, navigating political differences in relationships can feel like traversing a minefield. While it’s a relief to share common ground on most issues, such disagreements do spark deeper introspection. Are we still on the same page or does our relationship need a tune-up? Asking these tough questions can feel like taking a relationship pop quiz, but the answers are crucial for one’s survival as a couple.

Also, bear in mind that seeking help isn’t admitting defeat; sometimes, a new perspective is all it takes to turn your relationship from a political drama into a heart-warming rom-com.