"We ran out of cash and exceeded our budget paying for luggage, water and beer"

There are many reasons you swipe right on a dating app. From a mutual love of cats, preferring cold coffee over chai or even an unhealthy obsession with charcuterie. I, however, swiped right on my partner because I thought he was cute and continued talking to him because his first question was extremely strange which caught me off guard. Luckily for me, we ended up connecting on a whole bunch of things, including travel. What I didn’t know then was that in less than six months, I was going to be on a plane to Bali with him, ticking off the milestone of travelling with a partner for the first time.

Once we went exclusive, we began talking about travelling together, to my bucket list destination, Bali. Since we decided to travel together barely four months after meeting (relationships don’t come with a manual), there were brief moments of panic but excitement took over. My main concern was that our relationship was new and we hadn’t spent as much time with each other. How could we be together 24/7 without snapping at each other every few hours?

What I learnt about travelling with a partner is you can fully revel in the lavender haze while bonding on things you both like. For us, it was conversations on music, history and the culture of the country. We both loved observing people and discussing theories. I liked that since we don’t live together and have busy jobs, we were able to get to know each other better while getting some R&R.

The dos and the don’ts of travelling with a partner

Do:

Ensure everything is prepaid and prepare for emergencies
…Or else you end up spending more, especially at the airport. We ran out of cash and exceeded our budget in paying for luggage, water and beer. I was on edge, and it stressed both of us out, leading to little arguments, so having contingency cash is always a good idea.

Stick to the budget you planned
If possible carry an international credit card with zero markup fee to avoid an unnecessary exchange fee. Money can be a bone of contention in both old and new relationships, so it is key to discuss a budget both of you agree on and stick to it.

Research well and create a rough itinerary
You can be thrown off schedule or things can get haphazard, some times you may have no idea where you’re going or what you’re doing — make a list of spots that both of you want to visit, and compromise on what the other might want to do. There were some things I didn’t have the inclination to do so he went on his own and we were both fine with this flexibility. Save some time for relaxation too — I treated my partner to a hot stone massage, and considering he was asleep halfway through it, I’m assuming it was a success!

Meet each other halfway
While this is crucial in every aspect of a relationship, I really saw it come true during meals since I’m a vegetarian and he’s not. He ensured we went to restaurants that served Indian food so I could get my fill, I avoided being fussy about the limited vegetarian street food so he could enjoy the local meat delicacies.

Lean into your partner’s travel personality
I am quite extroverted but he’s not as social. I was pleasantly surprised to find that he didn’t mind being social during our vacation. This helped us interact with fellow travellers and ensured we weren’t in a bubble of just us two.

Hold on to your individuality
When travelling with a partner, spending too much time together can quickly become a pressure cooker situation. We would spend some time doing our own things as well. For instance, if we were on the road for a while or in the hotel room, he would listen to music or watch football, and I would catch up with friends, or some holiday reads.

Nip petty arguments in the bud
There were some miscommunications between us where I felt hurt. What worked was addressing it instantly — solving it immediately kept the bitterness from seeping into the rest of our trip. While in real life, taking time out to calm down may work better, on holiday, small disagreements should be fixed sooner rather than later.

Don’t:

Cram all your days
We partied every other night and while it sounds fun, it quickly got exhausting. So much so that I ended up turning into Snorlax after three days.

Assume your partner will take all the responsibility for ensuring the trip is smooth
We divided up tasks so neither of us felt overlooked, or overworked — I planned the itinerary, he figured out how to get there, and arranged transport. We were both able to enjoy without feeling bogged down with logistics.

Be adamant about sticking to the plan
Be open to spontaneous detours because you never know what Narnia you may discover. Type A’s may shudder at this, but lean in to your own travel personality — or grow one!

Take for granted that he/she will take care of extra expenses
Dating, in-between or married, no matter your status, always discuss splitting of finances transparently. Never assume one person is going to take the financial load even if they earn more.

Parental advisory board

When I told my mother about the trip, she wasn’t on quite on board and maybe wanted me to ask for permission. She had a barsaat of questions (and suggested a background check) and gave me a mini ‘talk’ — “I know it’s just the two of you going. You should have separate rooms. You may want to explore and experiment but be careful.” Being a woman’s mother, safety was a big aspect, so when we were at the airport, I made her speak to my partner. Through the trip, I made sure to stay connected with her to calm her anxiety. She was a lot cooler than I thought she was going to be and I appreciated it. If possible, be upfront with your parents — it’ll keep you calmer too.

This is a first-person account as told to Shivani Pathak and the identity of the contributor has been concealed on request of anonymity