I chose to tell my daughter the story of her adoption
Preeta Sukhtankar, entrepreneur and mother of an 11-year-old daughter, shares the importance of origin stories
January 7, 2014. It was the day I brought Ayesha, my daughter, home after a meticulous adoption process. She was around four months old then, and had a cute, slightly confused look on her little face. That day marked the beginning of a life-changing journey for us. Like any new mother bringing home her baby, I was nervous—determined to ensure she was well-fed, comfortable, and loved. It’s a transformative role, and I felt a mix of excitement and apprehension.
That first moment we shared together at home was magical. For a while, we just stared at each other with pure love, both a little overwhelmed yet deeply connected. She was surrounded by her loved ones, including her dad, her bua, another aunt who flew down from London to see her, and her nani.
Eleven years have passed since that beautiful day, and my life has been enriched with countless moments of joy, laughter, and love. Yet, the day she came home remains the most special. Just as many parents cherish the day their child is born, I celebrate her homecoming as the start of our incredible bond. Even our loved ones recognise it as a day of celebration—a true homecoming.
My daughter’s origin story
I chose to let my daughter know of her adoption. Right from the start, this was never something I wanted to hide. I began telling her little by little, using storytelling techniques (as parents normally do). I wanted her to understand her story and feel a strong sense of self and belonging. It’s natural for parents to feel a fear of the unknown when it comes to our children—we worry about protecting them from harm and ensuring they feel secure. However, I trusted the process and believed in being open with my daughter about her origins. There was no shame or fear, only pride and celebration.
To ensure I was making the right decision, I decided to work with a therapist. Interestingly, those sessions helped me realise that I was using the right approach. They also clarified my priorities, which was incredibly valuable. For instance, I wanted to tell my daughter’s story in a soft narrative, and as a moment of celebration.
Children love hearing their origin stories, and my daughter is no exception. She delights in hearing about how she came into my life, imagining those early moments she doesn’t remember, and can feel the joy of her homecoming. While life’s complexities lie ahead, I’m confident she’s carrying the foundation of love and understanding we’ve built together.
Many adoptive mothers tell their children they came from their hearts, not their stomachs. It’s a beautiful way to convey the depth of connection and love that is not based on biology. Children begin to grasp how special adoption is, and as they grow, they come to understand its nuances. For my daughter, adoption is not just a fact; it’s a cherished part of her story.
My daughter’s homecoming
Early on, I created a video capturing the moments surrounding my daughter’s adoption—from the first time we saw her to the excitement of bringing her home. She loves watching it, seeing how our family welcomed her with open arms and overflowing joy. It’s a testament to how much she is loved and cherished, not just by me but by her extended family as well. That video is a treasure trove of memories that keeps her homecoming feeling fresh and celebrated.
Ayesha loves celebrating her homecoming anniversary and even shares the joy with her friends. It has become a tradition, with people in our social circle wishing her a “Happy Homecoming”.
People often ask questions out of ignorance rather than malice. Curious children, especially, don’t mean any harm when they ask what “homecoming” means. I explain that it is the day Ayesha became part of our family. Another common question I’ve encountered is, “Where are her real parents?” My response is always the same: “We are her real parents.” Parenthood is about nurturing, loving and raising a child, and that’s exactly what we do.
I’ve consciously avoided terms like “birth mother,” opting instead to say “the person who gave birth to you”. For my daughter, this distinction has been very clear: parents and family are defined by love, care, and nurturing. Birthing is simply a biological process. This understanding has helped her navigate conversations when these topics arise. She knows who I am to her.
Our loved ones have been incredibly supportive throughout this journey. In fact, my decision to adopt inspired both my cousin and my best friend to adopt daughters of their own.
The story of our family
I wish there were enough stories for kids that go beyond the traditional family structure. The subject of adoption should be addressed early on for the mental well-being of both the child and the parent. While there is no single “correct” approach, equipping yourself with the right tools is always helpful.
This is partly why I chose to write a children’s book, The Perfect Match. It tells the tale of two hearts—a woman and a little girl—coming together through adoption. I hope that it helps other adoptive parents, like me, to explain their story in a softer, more accessible way—perhaps as a special bedtime conversation. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that fostering understanding and creating a positive environment around this topic are important, and perhaps this book could help.
Adoption is often clouded by misconceptions, but my journey with Ayesha is a testament to its beauty. Every moment of motherhood has been a highlight for me—from matching stackable bracelets with my daughter to her first blood test, when I couldn’t bear the sight of blood being drawn from her little arms. Together, we’ve challenged stereotypes and redefined what a family can look like. I hope our story inspires others to see adoption in a new light and embrace diverse family structures. It’s time to normalise and celebrate the many forms that love and family can take.
As told to Akanksha Narang
Proceeds from the sale of ‘The Perfect Match’ will go to the charitable organisation, Bal Asha Trust, Mumbai. Click here to buy the book.
