This 44-year-old shook off mom guilt and went on a solo trip to Spain

Who said life ends at 40?

The word ‘motherhood’ conjures up imagery of a soft, self-sacrificing maternal figure in a flowy, white dress, wreath in hair, playing hide-and-seek with her angelic kids, peals of their laughter echoing across the yard. Cut to…reality. What nobody tells you about being a mom is that something as banal as stepping out to buy groceries without your jigar ka tukda can send you into a guilt-ridden spiral, let alone jetting off to another continent 7,000 kilometres away.

Before 44-year-old former vice president of a multinational organisation, Saba Ali Scalem embarked on a solo trip to Spain in November 2024, she was torn between her deep longing to explore new places and the urge to be a dutiful, ever-present mother. “I got the travelling bug from my father,” she shares. “When we were kids, he used to take us on trips all over India—Himachal, Kashmir, Bangalore, Coorg. And remember, this was in the 90s, so he had to plan the trip and do all the bookings by himself!”

Yet, despite being a “traveller at heart”, Scalem admits that leaving behind her two kids—a four-year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter—to go on a trip felt like the greatest blasphemy of all time. “I’d never left my younger one before this, not even for a night. My daughter’s also still growing up, and she’s always coming to me, ‘Mama, where is this? Where is that?’ So, I wasn’t sure how they’d manage by themselves,” she admits.

Plus, for more than 18 years of corporate life, Scalem had been so busy carving out a successful career, she’d forgotten to pause, exhale, and indulge her wanderlust-filled inner child. “I’d been running around constantly for more than a decade. Life in Mumbai is already so hectic, and managing my kids, house, and work on top of that… I remember thinking, I’m not happy at all,” she says.

To make matters worse, she had a few health setbacks that unexpectedly cropped up in the past few years. “I’m a huge extrovert and my friends would describe me as a very lively, high-energy person,” she explains. “But, that changed a couple years ago when I developed a health issue and had to go through a few surgeries. It was totally unforeseen.” Between her young kids, not-so-ideal health, and corporate rigmarole, Scalem’s passion for travel had taken a backseat.

It was finally in October 2024, that her wanderlust took the reins. She realised she’d had enough; now, she wanted to live life on her own terms. With this newfound clarity, she mustered up the courage to quit her job. One rarely hears of a woman at the peak of her career deciding to relinquish it all, but Scalem knew it was time to start afresh. (What happens after you quit, though?) “I simply left. I told my husband that I didn’t feel like working, I just wanted to explore myself,” she says.

The idea of a solo trip had just started to take form in her mind. A close friend had moved to Spain a couple years ago and urged Scalem to visit her for a few days. Stunning beaches and lip-smacking paella sounded ideal, but she was reluctant to broach the topic with her family at first. Thankfully, they were nothing but supportive. Her daughter, though, was perhaps the most instrumental in her decision to set off on a solo trip. “She came to me and said, ‘Mama, you’re feeling lost right now. Your friend is calling you, so why don’t you just go? Nothing will happen, we’ll take care of everything’,” says Scalem.

And so began a new chapter of her life. Mom guilt—more loyal than a shadow—was still there, but Scalem resolved to push through it. “I reminded myself that mom guilt will always be there. Once you become a mom, you never get off that duty,” she says. “But, if I’m happy, my children will be happy. And travelling is what brings me happiness.”

The next few weeks were a flurry of applying for visa appointments, flight tickets, and bags that had to be packed, weighed, and packed again. It seemed like the stars were aligning for her too, because Scalem landed a visa appointment for the very next day. “I found out that everyone else who’d applied with me only got an appointment a month later,” she says.

Before she knew it, Scalem had flown to Spain and was soaking up the narrow streets, lively markets, and Gothic architecture of Barcelona. “It was a real ZNMD [Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara] moment for me,” she laughs.

With no kids in tow, Scalem recalls being able to finally let loose and explore the foreign city at her own pace—no dinner table tantrums, last-minute bathroom breaks, or fights for the window seat. Barcelona, she says, had a life of its own. People were dancing and singing with the locals on the street. “In India, if you dance or sing, people turn around and ogle at you. But in other countries, there’s a little more freedom, which I adored,” she adds.

From Barcelona, she took off for Madrid, where she stayed with her friend for a few days. A heartwarming reunion ensued, with the two of them seeming to revert back to their younger selves as they took a short trip to Cordoba and Sevilla. “We roamed the streets of these cities, and just giggled and giggled and giggled,” she recounts. “And then, we talked and talked and talked.” Not one to miss out on traditional delicacies, Scalem feasted on the Spanish omelettes, paellas, and Dutch pastries that are characteristic of Spain’s simple but flavourful cuisine.

The highlight of the trip, however, was unexpectedly reconnecting with an old friend from 20 years ago. While in Madrid, Scalem realised that a friend from college—someone she’d studied and lived with in the same hostel—was also living there. What’s more, it turned out both of her friends were part of the same social circle.

She decided to surprise her college friend with a video-call. “When she answered the call, she was initially puzzled, but as soon as she saw my face, she started screeching in excitement,” recalls Scalem. Half an hour later, all three friends were making their way to a nearby mall—laughing, embracing, and swapping stories of bygone years. “We were so noisy, people started staring at us,” she laughs.

In the 10 days she spent travelling around Spain, Scalem recalls feeling at peace after a very long time. “Because it was a solo trip, my attention was completely undivided,” she muses. “You just think about yourself, enjoy your time, and feel at peace,” And her husband and kids? They managed just fine. Her husband, she admits, is an incredibly supportive and hands-on father, so he managed the kids and household chores seamlessly in her absence. Scalem’s solo trip inspired her 15-year-old daughter to embark on one of her own. “In fact, she went on a solo trip to Colombo,” she shares excitedly.

Scalem is clear: this is only the beginning. She has been to 16 countries in total, but is determined to visit at least two new ones every year. Travel is expensive, she agrees. Solo travel, even more so. But, Scalem is firm in her belief that she wants to live a life that’s rich in experiences. “Everyone has cautioned me against spending everything I earn. But, the truth is that my house, jewellery, wealth, and everything else will remain on Earth once I die. Only my experiences will stay with me forever.”