Pee-pees, nunus and the family jewels: the first mistake parents make with sex education

Eyes wide in disbelief, Mrs Sharma spluttered, “I can’t believe you just told your daughter to make sure she washes her vagina after peeing. How can you even utter the V word? My god, and she’s only 5.”

I looked at her in surprise, “So, should I just pretend that part of the body does not exist?”

Berating me for being dramatic, Mrs Sharma continued her tirade, “You could have just told her to wash her Vee-Vee or Pee-Pee. You new-age parents want to take everything to the extreme.”

I couldn’t resist the bait.

“Eh… Sharma Aunty, there are dark circles under your See-See…”

“Huh? What is See-See?”

“Your eyes, of course. And your Smelloo is so cute.”

“Smelloo?”

“Your nose, Aunty.”

“What’s wrong with you? Calling eyes ‘see-see’ and nose ‘smelloo’. Did you down a Patiala peg instead of your morning coffee?”

I grinned and turned away, leaving her completely baffled.

Growing up, most of us didn’t have sex education and weren’t taught the right vocabulary to use when referring to the genitals. Our private parts were either completely ignored or were given pet names – “this is your nunnu, lulli, willy, fuddi, soni, susu area”… the list goes on.

Unfortunately, this tradition continued when we became parents. Except perhaps, we were just a little more creative with the pet names. A little boy once told me that his mother calls his penis the ‘Eiffel tower’. Another told her son that his genitals were the ‘family jewels’.

Can you imagine these boys growing up and going to their doctor, saying, “Doctor, doctor, my family jewels are shrinking” or “My Eiffel tower is looking more like the Leaning Tower of Pisa”.

By not giving our kids the right vocabulary, we are opening the doors to the usage of slang words as they grow up. In their teens or even pre-teens, they are not going to be caught dead calling a penis ‘pee-pee’ or a vulva ‘vee-vee’. And since they have no other terms, using slang words is the easiest and the coolest option. Penis becomes dick and vulva becomes pussy. But before you scream and yell at your child for using foul language, remember how — and with whom — this behaviour started.

It’s ironic that a child who uses the correct vocabulary is considered ‘corrupted’, while the child who uses pet names is considered cute. I understand that most of us have grown up with no sex education, so changing our behaviour will be uncomfortable at first. If you are uncomfortable teaching them the specific names of the male and female genitals or are worried about run-ins with the Mrs. Sharmas of the world, at least begin by calling them the genitals. Then, when they’re a little older, you can explain the difference between male and female genitalia with the correct terminology.

When Shakespeare said “What’s in a name?” I’m sure he would never, in his wildest dreams, have imagined that Indian parents would take it so seriously.

Anju Kish is a pioneer in the field of sex education and the founder of UnTaboo.