"I lost my temper and threw my son's school bag out of the window"
This is motherhood at its messiest
If you’re a mom, chances are, you’re trying to stay afloat amidst an endless barrage of PTA meetings, laundry, and dinner table tantrums. Not to mention, being a parent doesn’t come with a manual, it’s like you’re always driving on the wrong side of the road.
Say, for instance, how do you react when your kid stands behind your padhos wali aunty’s rear end and makes loud farting noises? Do you deliver a well-aimed chamaat? Call them a slur that would violate the Geneva Convention? Opt for a gentle parenting classic: ‘Let’s talk about why you did that’? Or burst into tears because you finally understand your own mother? Sometimes it feels easier to swallow a Crocin without water than to figure out the best way to discipline your child.
And then, of course, there are moments where you mess up so monumentally, you’re wracked with guilt and shame for weeks after, convinced that you’re the worst mom in the entire world. It’s only months or years later that you stumble upon a grand realisation: maybe you weren’t so evil and irredeemable after all, maybe you were just a struggling mom in a difficult situation, trying her very best.
We asked eight women to share their messiest parenting moments…and they’ve basically confirmed our worst suspicions. Sure, parenting is supposed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, but more often than not, it’s ugly, frustrating, and makes you want to screech angrily like Mia Goth’s character in Pearl.
8 moms talk about the parenting mishaps that keep them up at night
Crushing the crush
“When I first found out my daughter was dating someone in the 9th grade, I didn’t know how to react when I caught her. In the heat of the moment, I yelled at her to call it off immediately. Back then, I thought the action I’d taken was the best one because it would nip the problem in the bud.
But, some years down the line, as my daughter grew up, I realised that I had overreacted and could have taken a much calmer route to address the issue. Now, she’s in her 20s and I make an active effort to give her privacy and remind her that she can always rely on me.” — Tanu Sharma, 47
Everything, everywhere, all at once
“My son is now 2.5 years old, but I still remember the first time I slapped him—he was just 1.5 years old. The guilt I felt afterwards was debilitating. That day, I was managing everything alone at home. I had an important online meeting in a few hours and needed to prepare for it. While trying to cook breakfast and lunch, I lost track of time. He grew hungry, started throwing things around, and was clearly craving my attention.
Amidst the stress and chaos, I lost my temper and slapped him hard on the face. The moment it happened, I knew I had made a mistake. He wasn’t being difficult—he was just hungry and needed me. But I was so caught up in all the responsibilities and pressure that I failed to see what he truly needed. But I’ve come to realise, motherhood is full of these moments—where you learn, grow, and try to do better every day.” —Tanya Kohli, 34
Saved by a whisker
“My daughter was only 3 years old when our entire family went to the World Social Forum in Mumbai in 2004. It was a massive event, with more than 1,30,000 participants. My husband was holding our daughter’s hand as we walked, and he accidentally let go of her hand for a millisecond before she disappeared into the crowd. We panicked and called out to her, but it was too crowded and chaotic for it to matter.
The next 35 minutes were a nightmare unlike anything we’ve ever experienced before. We were absolutely hysterical—crying, praying, and on the verge of losing hope, when my niece suddenly saw a man with a painted face carrying my daughter in his arms. He was some distance away and walking speedily towards the exit, so she only had a few seconds to catch up to him.
She sprinted towards him at full speed and snatched my daughter out of his grasp, just in time. It’s been 20 years, but I still shudder to think about what could’ve happened on that fateful day if my niece hadn’t spotted them. I carried the guilt of almost losing our daughter for a long time after that—I couldn’t believe we’d let something like that happen.” — Nayyar Shaikh, 62
The strange case of the flying school bag
“My son was a school-going child at the time. Every time he’d return home from school, he would throw his school bag on the floor with a resounding thud. It made my blood boil because he could just as easily keep it gently on the floor, but he simply refused to listen to me. He was also my first-born child, so I felt the added pressure of raising him well.
One day, he came back home and dumped his bag on the floor as usual. In the heat of the moment, I picked up the bag and threw it out of the window. It landed on the ground and stayed there for a long time. A few hours later, I realised I’d acted quite impulsively and felt a sudden jolt of shame. I mean, I was annoyed, but why couldn’t I have just kept a lid on my emotions?
To this day, my son playfully taunts me sometimes and brings up how angrily I reacted and I always apologise profusely. It’s not the end of the world, I suppose, but it made me realise that I need to control my anger better so I don’t have a disproportionate reaction I’ll regret later.” — Manjari Sharma, 47
Raised by Peppa Pig
“I think one parenting decision that I felt bad about was giving unlimited screen time to my then 3-year-old during the pandemic. (Here’s how you can lure your kid back to the real world) I was wracked by mom guilt, and often felt terrible. He had picked up a bit of a British accent, too, thanks to all the Peppa Pig and Paw Patrol he was watching.
But, looking back, I was actually trapped in survival mode, with a stressful job, no daycare, no additional help, or kids he could play with either. While he still loves his screen time, I do think he’s become better at spending time by himself without a computer in tow” — Angelica Alfonso, 35
Whine and dine
“One of my ‘oops’ moments happened during a dinner when we’d visited a restaurant to celebrate my younger son’s first paycheck. Everything was going perfectly until I passed an offhand comment about another family dining nearby. It wasn’t meant to be offensive, but I was a little drunk and it came out the wrong way. My elder son called me out on it, and we got into a heated argument.
In a flash of anger, I stormed out. My younger son, who’d arranged the dinner, followed me, but I ended up shouting at him as well and demanded that he go back. Of course, it ruined the entire evening, and I felt terribly guilty when I woke up the next morning. Surprisingly, my son wasn’t phased by it, but it taught me a valuable lesson in patience and restraint.” — Neeti Desai*, 49
Falling on deaf ears
“As my kids grow older, I would say they become more and more indifferent to my ‘pearls of wisdom’. For example, when I try giving them advice, they’re completely unwilling to listen to me and it just makes me feel like I’ve not done a good enough job as a parent.
It’s a difficult phase for me, of course, but I’m trying to overcome it by understanding how this new generation of kids behave—how they think, act, react. In all my years of being a parent, I’ve realised that it’s best to tackle intense emotions with patience and understanding, so that’s exactly what I’m doing” — Kavita Malgi, 52
In the heat of the moment
“As a new mom, I feel like I’m learning something new every day. A few weeks ago, I really lost my patience with my toddler. I was shouting at her, louder than usual, and I started gesticulating, pointing fingers. She didn’t flinch at the noise, instead she went silent and just stared at my finger, wide-eyed and still.
In that moment, I saw myself through her eyes as a mother who forgot how small her child really is. Realising that I need to calm down, I lowered my voice and pulled my hand back, but the guilt still lingers.” — Shimoni Shah, 37
*Name changed upon request
