How to talk to your kids about toxic masculinity so they actually listen

Parenting lessons on gender equality we’ve taken away from CEQUIN’s national event, ‘Mardon Wali Baat’

Between the film they enjoy, the viral videos they watch, and even the conversations they overhear, it’s no secret that your child’s earliest impressions of gender justice begins at home. Often, we assume that toxic masculinity only rears its ugly head in the deep, dark corners of the internet—where fans of Andrew Tate lurk freely (This is how you can talk to your son about it)—when in reality, it’s dadaji’s sexist remarks that are the final nail in the coffin.

In light of this, the NGO Centre for Equity & Inclusion (CEQUIN) has taken up the formidable task of starting a much-needed conversation about gender equality, positive masculinity, and the growing need for safe spaces. Their campaign recognises that long-lasting change cannot happen without the help of male allies, pointing to the fact that men need to play a more active role in tackling toxic masculinity while raising kids.

Anchored in this belief, CEQUIN carried out a digital campaign, #MardonWaliBaat, with 44 male micro-influencers and encouraged them to initiate conversations about safe cities, fighting gender-based violence, and positive masculinity through socially responsible content. After eight months of advocacy, they showcased the campaign in their national conference on men, masculinities and gender-based violence, called ‘Unpacking Patriarchy, Gender Stereotypes & the Shaping of Indian Masculinities’, held on March 19, 2025, at India Habitat Centre, New Delhi.

Alongside eye-opening discussions with actor Rahul Bose, UN India Head Shombi Sharp, and philanthropist Rohini Nilekani, and other influential figures, the event highlighted stories of young men and influencers who address everyday sexism, toxic masculinity, casual misogyny, and critical issues like men’s mental health. These individuals have been advocating for an alternative version of masculinity and asking other men to ‘step up’.

Through live performances, fireside chats and their newly launched film Mardangi Reloaded, CEQUIN created a safe and inclusive space for men and women alike to pose the bigger questions: What does it mean to be a man? How can we encourage men to talk about their mental health struggles? And ultimately, how can we engage men to be better allies for gender equality?

We spoke to key speakers at the event and rounded-up advice for parents who want to raise kids that are tolerant, open-minded and gender-inclusive, so we can slowly, but surely, usher in a holistic transformation. If you’re a parent, here’s how you can make a real, tangible impact.

Forget superheroes, it’s cool to be gender warriors now

Be your child’s ‘base camp’

When mountain climbers attempt to scale a summit—valiantly battling fatigue, hunger, and thirst—they eventually return to their base camp, a place of safety where they have a chance to recover. If you have a young child, think of yourself as their base camp, a place where they can express their feelings without judgement or scorn.

According to Aleena Varghese, Lead – Masculinities, at the non-profit organisation The Gender Lab, you can create a safe space by keeping an open channel of communication. “Not being heard, acknowledged, or appreciated can affect the way boys feel towards their parents, especially when they do not fit into the norms of what a boy should be like,” she says. “In a world that already ridicules boys for being vulnerable, parents have a big role in affirming those emotions and traveling with them with healthy expressions of the same.”

Ditch the criticism

When your kid flashes a cheeky grin at you while proudly blurting out a misogynistic slur for the benefit of your padhos wali aunties, it might take all your willpower to not land a well-aimed smack on their rear end. But, according to child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. Amit Sen, it may be best to exhale, take a step back, and practice ‘compassionate curiosity’ instead of criticism.

“It’s important to just be there, observe, witness, and participate through curiosity, rather than immediately correcting your kids or offering immediate solutions to their challenges,” he notes. “The moment the kid begins to sense any form of judgement, that ‘my parents are uncomfortable’, they’ll withdraw. How will we build these emotionally safe spaces and practice deep listening?” he adds.

The little things count

Ever heard someone say that a man is helping out his wife in the kitchen? Or watched a mother snatch a doll from her son’s hand because it’s a girl’s toy? We assume that toxic masculinity and gender roles are loud and explicit, but often, they take a more innocuous form and wriggle into our everyday speech—subtle but present nonetheless.

Dr. Rukmini Sen, a professor of sociology, believes that parents should show a keen interest in the language and vocabulary their kids use on a daily basis. “Gendered experiences are often revealed through these interactions, so parents need to be mindful of that and gently segregate the positive from the negative,” she suggests.

Expose them to the right cinema

Growing up on a staple diet of movies and TV shows, most of us have been force-fed a diverse platter of misogynistic jokes with a side of item songs. And while the mirch-masala of a film can be thrilling, there’s nothing more damaging for an impressionable mind than a movie that romanticises an overly pushy hero who can’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

Remember that any content your children consume can have a long-lasting effect on them, especially if toxic masculinity is a recurring theme. So, try exposing them to movies that are empowering and gender-inclusive without being overly didactic. Actor Rahul Bose believes that movies like Chak De India, Dil Dhadakne Do and Poorna are not only iconic on their own merit, but will also sensitise your kids to negotiate gender-related stereotypes.

Walk the talk

With their sharp eyes and shrewd minds, it might surprise you to know that your little tots are more like Sherlock Holmes than you think. They pick up on small details, sift through clues in your behaviour, and watch you long after your back has turned. To put it simply, they can spot inconsistencies between your behaviour and words faster than you can say “Elementary, my dear Watson”.

Sara Abdullah Pilot, the co-founder and chairperson of CEQUIN, maintains that children learn through observation, so parents need to walk the talk before any actual learning transpires. “It’s one thing to say ‘This is how you should respect your partner’, but if your kid don’t see that in your actions, it doesn’t reinforce the learning,” she says. “Plus, communication happens at multiple levels, it’s not just verbal. Children are especially good at picking up on non-verbal clues, so only lecturing them won’t work,” she adds.

Be aware of their social media influences

As a child, your mother probably locked your phone away right before you went to bed. TV time was heavily monitored and apps like Instagram were nowhere in sight. But, with the advent of social media, we’re gradually seeing a shift towards a world where parents are no longer in control of the content their kids consume.

“Earlier, when children were being brought up, there was some level of control over the kind of influences they were exposed to. But now, that’s become a huge challenge across the world, given the hateful and violent content across spaces,” says Lora Prabhu, the co-founder and managing director of CEQUIN.

She maintains that the best thing adults can do is equip themselves with the technical knowledge of how to navigate digital media. “That’s the only way we’re going to be able to counter what they’re being exposed to, and give them alternative narratives,” she adds. The bottom line? Don’t hesitate to explore social media platforms for yourself and become familiar with their nitty-gritties. The more you know, the better.

If you find yourself overwhelmed by the dos and don’ts of talking to your child about toxic masculinity, remember that it’s similar to solving a jigsaw puzzle—initially, the pieces don’t seem to fit together and you’re constantly worried about something going wrong. But, ultimately, the big picture comes into view and you’ll be glad you went the extra mile.