“Every day he would say, 'Why don’t you leave? Just give me a divorce'”

I met my now ex-husband in 2006 via Orkut, a popular social networking site in the early aughts. I was in my final year of graduation in my hometown of Rourkela, Odisha, while he was five years older and had been living in the US for work. Despite being fresh out of a relationship, I found myself drawn to his looks and wanted to get to know him. We began exchanging emails and eventually started a long-distance relationship. During this time, I remember saving money for ISD calls so I could talk to him since video calls weren’t common back then. A year later, I moved to Pune to pursue a post-graduate degree in media, driven by big aspirations to succeed in the industry.

This move was a significant change for me. I had been my mother’s sole carer after she suffered a severe back injury in 2003. During her recovery, my mom and I bonded deeply, as my father, a police officer, was posted elsewhere and my sister was studying in another city. But now I had to leave my mom for the first time to focus on my education, a decision she supported despite being emotionally dependent on me.

When I moved to Pune, my ex-husband and I had already been in a long-distance relationship for a year. We met for the first time that year when he flew to Mumbai for a family function. By this time our families already knew about our relationship and his mother had even started pushing for an engagement. I hadn’t considered this yet, but he had been serious about making a commitment from the beginning. However, my parents were against it, insisting that I focus on my career. Later that year, my ex-husband moved to Pune to be closer to me, a decision his mother was unhappy about.

Over the next three years, we continued to date. I finished my post-graduation and moved to Mumbai to work as an assistant director while he returned to the US for work. When we had decided to marry, my family (especially my mother) wasn’t sure he was right for me — she thought he was possessive and noticed how his behaviour hurt me.

In early 2010, my mom underwent hip replacement surgery and I left my job in Mumbai to care for her full-time. Despite having help, I handled everything from her medication to her daily hygiene. If I missed one of his calls during this time, he’d yell at me, questioning what kept me so busy. I’d often end up in tears, but my love for him made me blind to his insensitive side, and we got married later that same year. After the wedding, he said we’d stay in the US for six months while he finished a work project, promising me it would be like a long holiday. We ended up living there for seven years.

Six months into our marriage, I caught him sharing explicit pictures with another woman online. When I confronted him, he begged for forgiveness; I chose to forget about it and move forward. Apart from this incident, the first two years of our marriage were mostly smooth. We were like friends, always travelling, partying, and enjoying life. I was known as the ‘good wife’ among our friends because I gave him space to hang out with his buddies and even hosted them often.

By late 2011, this blissful state came to a crashing halt. We lived in New Jersey, where winters are very harsh, and one day, I woke up unable to get out of bed. When I told my husband, a workaholic, his first reaction was that he was too busy to take me to the doctor, and suggested I go with a friend instead. I did, and the X-ray and MRI results showed I had a weak back, which turned out to be sacroiliitis, (an inflammation of the joint that connects the pelvis to the lower spine). I was only 25. Devastated and in debilitating pain, I asked my husband to come home early. My in-laws were visiting us at the time so when he arrived and saw me crying on the sofa, he told his mom, “Can you take this woman out of my sight? I can’t take care of someone like this.”

I was shattered. My in-laws, who I was close to, never questioned his behaviour. I managed the treatment by myself, even when I had to be hospitalised to receive steroid injections. He sat in the lobby, working, and later complained that I’d made him lose precious working hours. He was an insensitive husband, and I received no support.

In 2014, my mom’s leg collapsed due to osteoporosis and she was admitted to the ICU. I travelled back home and stayed with her for four months. During that time, my husband constantly complained that I was too busy caring for my parents and had no time for him. He was incredibly disrespectful towards me and my family. How could I just give up on them because I was married? While I was away, my sister-in-law planned a family vacation at our home in New Jersey. I was upset since neither of them informed me about this, but they accused me of being unreasonable.

My breaking point came three years later, in 2017, when my sister-in-law and her husband were planning another holiday to the USA. I found messages my husband had sent instructing them to keep me out of the loop. His actions made no sense to me — during our seven years of marriage I had always been happy to host family and friends at our home. Later that year, my mom needed her seventh surgery in 22 years. When my dad asked my husband to book my flight ticket, he rudely responded, “Every year you want to take her, just do it without these formalities,” and refused to make the travel arrangements. My family had to send him money to buy my ticket.

Things continued to escalate. Every day, my husband would ask, “Why don’t you leave? Just give me a divorce.” In 2018, I finally decided to take a break and separate from him temporarily. We travelled to India with two separate intentions—I wanted to take a break, and he was adamant that we discuss these matters with our families. But once we landed, I never saw him again. I had no idea this break was leading to a divorce. He told all our relatives and friends that I wasn’t interested in mending the relationship and that my parents were keeping me from him.

On our anniversary in May, I reached out to him, suggesting we give our relationship another try. He blatantly refused, and blamed me for leaving him. In November, he served me divorce papers. The divorce was contentious; he made unfounded allegations against me in the high court, even claiming I was a prostitute, though he couldn’t provide evidence.

I lost everything. In our ten years together, I sacrificed my career. He never supported my education, and only wanted me to handle random jobs, errands and household chores. I did everything—from running the house to hosting parties—essentially like an upscale housekeeper. He even made remarks that if I drove his car, I should pay for the petrol, and if I lived in his house, I should contribute to the rent. What started as a joke grew serious over time. He never shared financial information with me, and his bank account in India was jointly held with his mother, not me. The property his dad gifted us in Pune was also in his and his mother’s names. The intimacy between us had died a long time ago; we were just not comfortable with each other after a point. Our divorce was finalised in 2021. Although we’re no longer in touch, I discovered my insensitive husband had remarried in the US before I had even signed the divorce papers.

In 2022, after almost 12 years, I re-entered the workforce with a job in human resources at a manufacturing company. That same year, I lost my mom on her birthday and performed all her last rites. When I emailed my ex-husband about my mother’s passing, he replied with a single word: “Sorry.” His response felt devoid of humanity, and no one from his family reached out. I was left alone, grappling with the pain of both the loss and the divorce.

In hindsight, there were so many red flags that I had ignored. He isolated me from my friends, was over-possessive, and cut me off from everyone. Despite everything, I believe things happen for a reason. And I’m glad I left him when I did because it gave me more time with my mom in her final moments without anyone holding me back. At 38, I still feel lonely and would like to settle down and have a child. But I haven’t met anyone yet.

This is an anonymous account as told to Shivani Pathak.