When you can no longer wait "till death do us part"

The growing reality of divorce after 50 in India

For decades, friends and family saw Meera and Rajiv Menon as the perfect couple—raising kids, building a home, and standing by each other through thick and thin. But then Meera did something that stunned everyone—she asked her husband of 30 years for a divorce. “Once the kids moved abroad, I realised how empty my life was. I felt a loneliness even in his presence,” says the Mumbai-based homemaker.

Meera isn’t alone. “Divorce among older couples—often called grey divorce—is on the rise,” says Sonam Chandwani, managing partner at KS Legal & Associates. “Legal experts and family courts have reported a 30-40% increase in divorces among couples over 50 in the last decade in India. And what’s even more telling is that over 60% of these divorces are initiated by women.”

Why are women walking away?

A 2024 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships examined the grey divorce experiences of 44 divorcees aged 60 and above. The findings revealed a striking two-phase pattern:

Staying together while growing apart: Many couples drift apart over time due to infidelity, control issues, personal growth, or clashing personalities. Yet, they stay—bound by children, finances, or societal expectations.

Realising that the marriage must end: A moment of realisation—public humiliation, betrayal, or emotional detachment—finally tips the scales. Also, as children leave home and societal norms shift, many feel emboldened to reclaim their lives.

This pattern isn’t only abroad—it’s unfolding in India too. “Particularly in urban settings where financial independence is more common, older women are increasingly unwilling to endure unfulfilling marriages,” says Chandwani.

Asha Nayak, 64, a retired teacher from Bengaluru, recalls her moment of realisation after 38 years of marriage: “Nothing dramatic happened. No fights, no scandals. One day, I just looked at my husband and thought, I don’t know this man anymore. And I don’t think I want to.”

For Saira, 62, a homemaker from Hyderabad, the final straw was betrayal. She found out her husband had been having an affair for over a decade. “At first, I thought, at my age, what’s the point of leaving? But the real question was—what was the point of staying? I just couldn’t pretend anymore,” she says.

The emotional and financial fallout

Divorce at any age is tough. Even when it’s the right choice, it brings a wave of emotions—grief, loneliness, relief, and even guilt. Dr Santosh Bangar, senior consultant psychiatrist at Gleneagles Hospitals, Mumbai, explains that for many older women—especially homemakers—divorce can deeply affect their sense of self. “Suddenly, everything that was built together—the life they lived, the routines they followed—begins to unravel. The fear of being alone and the question, ‘Who am I without this relationship?’ can take a significant toll on mental health,” he says. And personal turmoil isn’t the only challenge. For Teresa D’sa, 67, a retired professor in Goa, post-divorce life was isolating. Though her husband had abandoned her, she only legally divorced him two decades later. “Yet, my friends suddenly didn’t know how to talk to me. Relatives pitied me. Some thought I’d lost my mind,” she says.

Children’s reactions can be a mixed bag too. Some are supportive, while others feel blindsided. “My sons were furious,” says Meera. “They said, ‘You’ve been married 30 years—what’s the point of leaving now?’” Others, like Saira’s daughter, took time to understand. “At first, she was upset,” she admits. “But then she saw how much happier I was. She realised I had sacrificed enough.”

Beyond the emotional upheaval, financial independence—or the lack of it—adds another layer of complexity. “My husband handled everything,” Saira confesses. “After the divorce, I realised I didn’t even know how to withdraw money from my account.”

Women also struggle with legal and financial awareness, which can complicate things during and after the divorce (here’s how you can ensure you remain financially secure even after separation). The Indian legal system is notorious for its delays (tarik pe tarik)—cases drag on, settlements remain unpredictable, and enforcement is often weak. Marital property rights can also be more complicated than expected.

“Many women, especially homemakers, assume that courts will grant them financial support based on the length of the marriage. They also assume they have automatic rights to shared assets, but without documented ownership, legal claims can be challenging. Alimony claims, too, are often contested, with men arguing their wives (those having jobs) have independent incomes—no matter how modest,” Chandwani explains.

Reinventing life after grey divorce

Yet, despite the legal and financial hurdles, for many, divorce isn’t an ending—it’s a fresh start. Those who take the leap often find something unexpected: freedom, resilience, and a renewed sense of self. For Asha, it meant launching a small catering business, a lifelong dream she had never pursued. She says, “For the first time, I could ask myself, what do I want?”

For others, it’s about travel or learning new skills. And dating after 60? Not as rare as you’d think. Some even rediscover love. Take Sukhdev Singh, 65, and Nalini Kumar, 63—both divorced—who met at an art workshop in Chennai. “Neither of us was looking for romance,” Nalini laughs. “But we bonded over painting. Now, we travel to different art retreats together.”

For those not interested in romance, deep friendships and fulfilling social circles are just as rewarding. Teresa, for instance, who struggled with loneliness after her grey divorce, found purpose in mentoring students. “It gave me a reason to get out of the house and feel useful again,” she says.

Dr Bangar says, “Instead of seeing divorce as a loss, embrace it as a chapter filled with lessons and great memories. Don’t rush to ‘get over it’—let time be the healer.”

An end is also a beginning

Rebuilding life after divorce isn’t just about starting over—it’s about embracing the next chapter with clarity and confidence. Life’s second act can be just as rich and meaningful as the first, whether that means rediscovering passions, forming new connections, rekindling old ones, or simply learning to enjoy your own company.

The practical aspects matter too. “Seeking legal advice early and staying financially informed can make all the difference,” says Chandwani. Review financial documents, understand assets, savings, and liabilities, and ensure transparency to navigate life with greater confidence after a grey divorce.

In the end, it’s all about stepping into the future on your own terms. As Meera puts it, “Leaving wasn’t about giving up. It was about choosing myself. And that’s a choice I wish I had made sooner.”