6 powerful women share the best advice they received from a mentor
Some of these superwomen found their mentor in iconic poets, others on TV, and some even at home.
I was 22, fresh out of college, two months into my new job and five months into a brand new romantic relationship. To say that I was clueless would be an understatement. And just when I was struggling to find a sense of normalcy and structure, one of my closest friendships turned sour. For someone riding into the big bad world of adulthood without training wheels and no mentor to run beside her, all of these changes happening at the same time became too much to handle.
I became cynical. Everyone appeared to be a threat, and everything they did seemed like a personal attack. A phone call left unanswered made me question my boyfriend’s intentions. Talking to colleagues, who hadn’t turned friends yet, left me feeling riddled with anxiety – “Will they rat me out? Will I get fired?”
What did eventually pull me out of this self-destructive vicious cycle was an interview with Oprah Winfrey where she said, “When people show you—or tell you—who they are, believe them.”
These words strung together were like a spritz of Colin on my muddy outlook of the world. I began to trust my instincts — and the people around me — again. This was my first step towards restoring order and optimism.
A television personality who millions look up to became the mentor I never had, and desperately needed. And surprisingly, the lesson that pulled me out of a mess, were words of wisdom passed on to her by her mentor – American poet and activist Maya Angelou.
Since then, I often find myself looking for mentors in the women who inspire me.”What would these superwomen do?” is a question I ask myself whenever I’m turning into a ball of anxiety or when my personal relationships seem to be going south.
Having a real-life mentor definitely has its perks – “Having someone who’s been in the field for many years helped me understand the dos and don’ts early on,” explained budding filmmaker Aliya Khan. “It made me understand the discipline of film as well as the art in a way that no school could ever teach me.”
Experts too vouch for the benefits of having a guiding light and sounding board in the form of a mentor.
Writes Paramita Bhattacharya, chief marketing officer of Blurb for Forbes, “The benefits of mentorship are not confined to mentees only. Now that I mentor, I find incredible value in developing my leadership and management skills and applying insights to my organisational relationships.”
But for all those like me, who haven’t found their platonic soulmate to help them through troubling times yet, these high achievers are a pretty great substitute to fall back on.
From Michelle Obama and Malala Yousafzai to Oprah Winfrey and Babita Kumari Phogat – powerful women share how they found a mentor in iconic poets, in people they’d watch on TV, and some even at home.
6 women on how the advice from a mentor shaped their life
“You are enough”
When it comes to women who inspire us, Oprah Winfrey probably tops a lot of those lists. But who did she turn to for advice when out of her depth?
Someone who Winfrey calls her teacher, mother, sister, and friend – iconic poet and activist Maya Angelou.
“I have learned more from her than from anyone else. Many of the most important things I know for sure were gleaned from conversations with her,” writes Winfrey. ‘When people show you—or tell you—who they are, believe them the first time’ is one that helped her through a troubled romantic relationship.
But Winfrey’s treasure trove of life lessons by Angelou is anything but sparse.
Angelou’s nuggets have also helped Winfrey stay relevant as a global mentor for over 40 years. She says the poet taught her to “be patient with young people. Don’t blame or judge them for what they don’t know. Be careful how you speak to them. You were young once, too.”
But perhaps the most powerful motivation she received was the in the form of three simple words “You are enough.” Winfrey explains, “‘I am enough…of what?’ I asked. And she (Angelou) said ‘You don’t need another person, place, or thing to make you whole. God already did that. Your job is to know it.'”
“You can’t let a little pain win over your strength”
Sometimes, you don’t have to travel too far or look too hard to find a mentor. Sometimes your mentor could be the same person you quarrel with day in and day out – your sibling.
At least that’s what happened for wrestler Babita Kumari Phogat. “To me, she is practically a third parent. And in wrestling, as I grew in the sport, it helped immensely that she had already walked that path and was available to help whenever I needed her,” she says. “Geeta’s exposure to the ring early on in life taught me the best tricks,” she adds.
Phogat admits her sister’s advice helped her brave through her injuries, which she describes as the biggest hurdles for an athlete. “You can’t let a little pain win over your strength,” Geeta said, inspiring Phogat to get better, and train harder.
“If not me, then who?”
People you draw inspiration from aren’t always supposed to be older or more qualified than you, sometimes it’s our peers who urge us to question our view of the world.
When iconic activist Malala Yousafzai found herself struggling with whether she should refer to herself as a feminist, it was fellow activist and actor Emma Watson’s speech that helped her iron out the creases.
“After hearing your speech, when you said, ‘If not now, when? If not me, who?’ I decided there’s no other way, and there’s nothing wrong with calling yourself a feminist. I am a feminist and you’re truly feminist, because feminism is another word for equality,” Yousafzai said to Watson during an interview right before the premiere of her documentary He Named Me Malala at the Into Film Festival.
The speech Yousafzai referred to was the speech U.N. Women’s Goodwill Ambassador Watson gave during an event focusing on gender inequality.
“Marriage is an option. Having a family is an option.”
Screen time is not always bad, and a former first lady of America is proof.
Michelle Obama was all of ten when she’d watch The Mary Tyler Moore Show with her family.
“Mary Tyler Moore was one of the few single working women depicted on television at the time. She wasn’t married. She wasn’t looking to get married. At no point did the series have a happy ending with her finding a husband—which seemed to be the course you had to take as a woman,” recalls Obama.
“I was probably 10 or 11 when I saw that, and started thinking, ‘You know what? Marriage is an option. Having a family is an option. And going to school and getting your education and building your career is another really viable option that can lead to happiness and fulfilment,” she adds.
“She never lost her femininity and she believed the balance was important, and that is something that stuck with me.”
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In her distinguished career as a human rights lawyer, barrister Amal Clooney has taken on authoritarian governments, global corporations and even gone head to head with ISIS in defending the Yazidi women of Syria.
And she does it with the kind of grace under fire and self-awareness that makes her seem otherworldly, while dressed in haute couture that disguises a steely resolve. You get the sense that many an opponent has grossly underestimated her, to their own detriment.
“I think, growing up, my mother was definitely a role model,” reveals Clooney. The way her mother valued her independence and worked towards her carer, inspired Clooney to do the same. But most of all, Clooney was inspired by her mother’s ability to strike just the right balance – “She never lost her femininity and she believed the balance was important, and that is something that stuck with me.”
“Fate gave them no quarter but that never daunted them.”
Arundhati Bhattacharya, former chairperson of the State Bank of India, draws her inspiration from her aunt Parbati Dutt.
It was her aunt’s ability to be independent that shaped Bhattacharya, but most of all, it was Dutt’s generosity that left a mark on Bhattacharya’s mind – “Through her life, she has supported herself and is the first at every family emergency, whether for us or her brothers, or any other relative. She also gives freely to whoever is in need with no hesitation,” writes Bhattacharya in an ode to her aunt.
Dutt’s journey taught Bhattachrya an important lesson – to never take for granted the opportunities she has been presented with. “I often wonder what all they (her mother and aunt) could have achieved if they had the opportunities I had. That is why I need to do my best. Fate gave them no quarter but that never daunted them. I can’t possibly fall short,” she says.