7 sexy movies for your viewing pleasure
Because everyone deserves a happy ending
When the clock struck 8 pm on March 24, India emerged as a nation divided. To those locked in with their families, the future loomed like a WWE cage match, but with more drama.
For singles living alone, it was a forced leap into vanaprastha ashram, except instead of learning to live in harmony with nature, renouncing worldly desires and achieving nirvana, we’re baking banana bread.
Since you’re socially distancing from your Tinder fanbase and (most) porn sites are still illegal, consider our curation of sexy movies to ease this government-mandated celibacy.
Use this time to focus on yourself instead. Self-pleasure is one of the few indulgences the extended lockdown hasn’t curbed, if you’re privileged enough to be safe at home.
With these sexy movies as your guide, let your fantasies strut free. Always wondered what it would be like to have a younger lover? Live vicariously through Unfaithful.
Never had a whirlwind romance? Queue up Duck Butter and prepare to experience all the highs (and invariable lows).
Ignored 50 Shades Of Grey out of fear of jeopardising your rep as a literary savant? Now is your chance to see what all the fuss is about without being banished from your weekend book club.
From master auteurs like Stanley Kubrick to pop culture influencers like Karan Johar, there’s a suggestive storyline for every mood.
Just pray to the gods of streaming that your internet bandwidth doesn’t ruin your happy ending.
Sexy movies you can stream to survive this love lockdown
Duck Butter, 2018
Some people fantasise about having a lot of sex within 24 hours. Others, make a film about it.
Built on the dizzying pendulum of a 24-hour relationship, the story unfolds as if someone got two attractive women to hook up and then jammed the fast-forward button.
You could walk away pondering how most romances — even the most sinfully intoxicating— don’t last. Or you could employ the glass-half-full approach and decide that every relationship should be explored uninhibitedly, no matter how ephemeral.
Whichever side you pick in an argument, consider Duck Butter’s intimate scenes a cinematic cheat code to satisfying a woman.
Because there are more ways than one. Watch on Netflix
Life is full of difficult choices, like having to decide between your sweet, attentive husband who looks like Richard Gere and a younger lover who could easily be an underwear model, if underwear models lived in a library and recited poetry from memory.
Since this is as likely to happen as karela being voted India’s national vegetable, you’re safe to enjoy all the perks of this fantasy without any of the perils.
The movie gives us a happily married woman engaging in a rambunctious affair for no reason other than the thrill. And with that liberal premise, we set off on an adventure of sex in public places, in multiple positions, with consistently perfect lighting.
Diane Lane scored an Oscar nomination for her performance in the film. But given her co-stars, that seems like cheating. Watch on Amazon Prime Video
Don Jon, 2013
The film is based on the ridiculous premise that a straight man doesn’t find sex with Scarlett Johansson as exciting as masturbating to porn videos.
Once you cross this mental hurdle, you get to watch Joseph Gordon-Levitt navigate his addiction while trying to please his ever-demanding girlfriend and find a real connection where he least expects it.
A feel-good entry on the list of sexy films, Gordon-Levitt’s impish smile and when-did-that-happen biceps will stencil themselves onto your daydreams. Watch on Youtube Movies
Eyes Wide Shut, 1999
Sex, drugs and a dramatic orgy that may or may not have ended in someone’s murder — Stanley Kubrick takes all the usual thriller ingredients and cooks up a kinky khichdi.
Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise play Alice and Dr Bill Harford, the picture of happy married life until Alice admits to fantasising about sex with other men. The pot-fuelled confession sends her jealous husband on a spiral where nothing seems real anymore.
Kidman has admitted some of the intimate scenes were so steamy, they didn’t leave the edit room. We’ll just let your imagination take over. Watch on Amazon Prime Video
Fifty Shades Freed, 2018
Nobody watches Fifty Shades for the gripping storyline. So feel free to skip through the filler scenes and dive straight into the crash course on BDSM.
You can always watch the trailer if you’re curious to find out what happens in between their experiments in the red room of pain.
Now newlyweds, Ana and Christian Grey are the picture of domestic bliss, buying a marital house, dealing with a pregnancy and eating ice cream in a way that will forever change the way you look at a sitaphal family pack. Watch on Netflix
Demi Moore stars as a recently-fired single mom who becomes a stripper to earn money to gain custody of her daughter. Yes, some studio executive decided to bet $50 million on that elevator pitch.
But save your grey cells to debate more pressing matters like whether Monu kaka’s freshly pulped amla juice can prevent coronavirus (spoiler alert — it can’t).
Striptease is 115 minutes of proving that Moore has abs so taut, you could roll chapatis on them.
Just don’t try that at home. Watch on Amazon Prime Video
Lust Stories, 2018
In the land of arranged marriages, sex is only performed, rarely understood. That’s the underlying theme of the Netflix anthology featuring the work of Karan Johar, Anurag Kashyap, Zoya Akhtar and Dibakar Banerjee.
The films juggle consent, extramarital affairs, pleasure and pain, and while it’s almost impossible that anyone with a Netflix subscription hasn’t seen them yet, they’re worth a double take now that we’re stuck at home.
Come for the nuanced approach to exploring sexuality in an Indian cultural context, stay for the expression on the saas’s face when she realises her bahu is orgasming at full tilt in the dining room. Watch on Netflix