Bollywood's top stars are bringing the 90s moustache back to ruin our childhoods

It’s a very specific kind of trauma when you wake up one day and see a video of your childhood crush Shah Rukh Khan shimmying and swaying, sporting ’90s moustache like, well, Dad.

It was a moment of collective heartbreak and a horrifying “Nahinnnnn!” at the Tweak office as we watched the evergreen romantic hero turn into our collective father. It may have been a stick-on ‘stache, but the trauma will last a lifetime.

The man who was everyone’s Rahul, whose arms you wanted to dramatically run into, now looks like Papa thinking he can actually pull off those sangeet moves after one Patiala peg.

I don’t know how to feel about this, sexually speaking.

Ranveer Singh had his handlebar moustache moment and it tearfully came to an end. But it’s different when you’re sporting it for a role, assuming he grew his ’90s moustache for the Kapil Dev biopic.

You know it’s coming to an end — that this isn’t who they are.

Saif Ali Khan has been sporting his ’90s moustache while promoting his latest film. Add it to his stylings of a floral shirt and high-waisted pants and my Nawab-obsessed colleague is having a breakdown over the love of her life looking like thakur dada.

We get it, a moustache for many years has been an icon of machoism. Even now, every pubescent boy’s dream is to get their testosterone levels high enough to get past the pube-stache stage.

But gents, it needs to be a slow burn. You can’t play with our emotions like this, going from 0-Anil Kapoor overnight.

Our ovaries can’t handle this kind of upheaval.

Right now I just want to call the police like “excuse me, I would like to report a 90s moustache that’s ruining my childhood.”