6 absurd Instagram food handles that have nothing to do with cooking
Expect floating food and bad table manners
Intimidating baby chefs are just the tip of the triple-layered banana split that is the absurd world of Instagram food trends. If you thought that pint-sized culinary geniuses and toast beautiful enough to go up on your wall was all that social media had to offer, then you’re sorely mistaken.
From glorifying questionable table manners to dissing fine dining like never before – here is your year-long supply of Insta content that will make your procrastination stations a whole lot more populated, and working from home harder than ever before.
6 absurd Instagram food trends to fuel your procrastination
Bread Face (@breadfaceblog)
Bread could very well be everybody’s favourite carb, especially because you can’t go wrong with it.
The scent of freshly baked bread is intoxicating. And no matter what you slap onto a slice of bread, it tastes divine. But have you ever tried slapping some on your face?
The Bread Face Instagram handle is literally just that, a content creator smashing her face into an array of baked goods. Bundt cakes, loaves of bread, and microscopic baguettes – the posts get more varied and absurd with each scroll. The account bio points out quite accurately that this handle is “giving the people something they didn’t ask for,” and definitely something we didn’t know we needed.
And just as you lose yourself in this bread basket of a blackhole, may we challenge you to trade in your face mask Fridays for face-smashing Saturdays? (Just kidding, we don’t need anyone wasting lockdown supplies, plus, no one is prepared for the series of “paise ped par nahin ugte” that your mother will hurl at you right after.)
ASMR.Eats (@asmr_eats)
Almost everyone has found themselves on a dining table (or work desk) with that one person who chews louder than a wailing cat. It’s excruciating, uncomfortable, and like Monopoly Deal, threatens to end friendships. But as it turns out, not everyone is on the same page as us.
The newest Instagram food trend is ASMR food videos, where you can hear people chomp away to glory as they make their way through ginormous portions of food. The snap of a carrot, crunch of a lettuce leaf and crackle of a chicken wing being devoured – these videos are nothing short of mini concerts on a plate.
Talking Food (@talkingfood)
This is not as absurd as it is cool.
If you’ve been shunned out of gatherings for cracking a food pun too many, then this Instagram food account is right up your alley.
Scroll through this account, and gear up to leave everyone speechless with your punniest best. Because as we all know, regular stuff is forgotten, but food puns romain.
And if you’re worried about being at the receiving end of disdainful tch-tchs, always remember that what doesn’t kale you, makes you stronger.
Francesco Mattucci (@kitchensuspension)
Staring up at the night sky while being huddled up with your partner under a warm blanket, have you ever wondered what it might be like to share a meal on the giant white ball staring back at you?
Well, Francesco Mattucci gives you a peephole into what a sans gravity date night might look like.
This Instagram food handle presents you with images of food suspended in mid-air, like absurd artwork that you want to chase down, and consume — think a bottle of milk pouring into an upside-down glass, a deconstructed Oreo Sundae moments before it settles into its glass and chicken wings trying to make a last ditch attempt to fly away.
We have to admit, watching food float is more soothing than you’d think.
Drake On Cake (@drakeoncake)
It’s a great time to be alive. Do you disagree? Well, wait till you see your favourite Canadian rapper’s lyrics plastered on exquisite cakes in impeccable calligraphy.
In the words of Drake himself you are “too young to be feeling this old,” so get those old lady jammies off, your earphones on, and use this Instagram food handle, created by Joy the Baker as inspiration to fuel your lockdown baking craze. (Anu Malik on apple pie? Bappi da on banana bread?)
Pro-tip for mommies: Replicate Drake’s lyrics on your teenager’s birthday cake, and get ready to hear him sing ‘I only love my bed and my mama’ to you.
Chef Jacques la Merde (@chefjacqueslamerde)
KFC has never looked this fine. Yes, that’s correct, look again, this beautiful plate of food is in fact your favourite cheat night meal.
Satire is best served like a Michelin star-worthy meal.
Chef Jacques la Merde became a rage in the Instagram food world for the way he mocked tiny plates of “tweezered” food by making junk and processed food look like a million bucks.
And with these immaculately dressed meals came hilarious captions, that conjured up the personality of the most basic, yet endearing brash boy you know.
It was revealed almost a year after the account’s creation that it in fact was handled by Toronto-based chef Christine Flynn. “I love food… I also love art. Finally—more than anything—I love irony. So it was a no-brainer to combine all three in an Instagram account where a bumbling, slightly hysterical chef makes “fine-dining” food with low-brow ingredients and lovingly points out some of the more ridiculous norms of current dining trends,” said Flynn in an interview with Bon Appétit magazine.
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