What moms wish they could say without getting cancelled

21 women on their mom confessions

A mom’s mornings are nothing short of an action-packed blockbuster. Alarm clocks blare, cue dramatic music as mom leaps out of bed with the finesse of a Tiger Shroff high kick. She plays the director’s role, juggling a script filled with many demands: two different types of breakfast (Pinky refuses to eat eggs), packing dabbas, outfit changes (ensuring they’re not inside out), and the ultimate challenge – getting everyone out the door on time. The pace? Thrilling. The stakes? High. Utter chaos if a shoe is lost or a library book is misplaced. Amidst the whirlwind of milk spills and misplaced keys, mom emerges as the unsung action hero, dodging obstacles with the agility of a stunt double and delivering lines like, “We’re going to be late… again!” with the perfect blend of urgency and exasperation. Mom stands alone in the aftermath. You can almost see a glimmer of a cape waving behind her. But what moms wish they could say is that sometimes, they don’t want the power or the responsibility.

There’s a hidden sigh longing to be vocalised. For every perfectly executed bedtime routine, there’s an inner voice dreaming of pyjamas, aloo bhujjia and a solo Netflix session. And amidst the adorable chaos of little ones running around the house with mischief in their eyes and giant grins on their faces, there are the silent screams of moms who want to sip a cup of chai while it’s still hot.

The unfiltered confessions of motherhood are akin to a top-secret dossier. One leak and chaos ensues. There are a lot of harsh truths moms wish they could say out loud, but society (physical and digital) isn’t exactly open-minded or welcoming when it comes to something so revered as motherhood.

So, we gave women across the country an avenue to share the mom confessions that are likely to get them cancelled in real life. These women, aged 32 to 71 from Bhopal and Lucknow to Delhi, Mumbai and Chennai, and more, with the safety of anonymity, didn’t hold back.

Buckle up, folks: you’re either going to be nodding along or shaking your head in disapproval.

21 things moms wish they could say out loud

“I frequently give my child Maggi, knowing it’s not the most nutritious thing. Yes, there are other easier and healthier recipes that you can look up online. But there are days when you just can’t be bothered, and adding a few carrots and peas to Maggi will suffice. I’ve shared this with friends and gotten so much flak.” – Aisha Kapoor*, 37, Noida

“If you have more than one child, there is always a favourite. For me, at least, it’s never a girls-over boys-thing or vice versa. Neither do I believe it’s a static feeling. My favourite always changes based on who makes me pull my hair out less. Parents will never admit it, but there is always a favourite child.” – Maya Sharma*, 54, Patna

“It wasn’t my parents, in-laws or husband who gave me a tough time, as one would expect. Sometimes, it really feels like women are women’s worst enemies, moms attacking other moms. I don’t know if it’s driven by jealousy or thinking you’re better than others, but often, when I’ve asked other moms for advice or help, it is always prefixed by condescension and judgment. It’s so disheartening. The amount of snark I got because I couldn’t breastfeed properly (due to health reasons) and chose formula was unbelievable.” – Priya Desai, 32, Bhopal

“I hate that being a mother became my identity and that it’s reinforced by society—the question of why you would want to do or be anything else. Maybe I want to watch a movie with my friends in the cinema and not be there when my son comes home from school. ‘Oh my god, but you’re the mother. How can you choose such a silly pleasure for yourself instead of your child?’ I let this guilt drive me for far too long. I still deal with it, but I’ve gotten better at it. People need to let women be things other than mothers.” – Anaya Rao*, 60, New Delhi

“You were sent to boarding school not only because it was a good education and experience, but also because I wanted time away from full-time parenting.” – Leela Menon*, 58, New Delhi

“Mommy groups are so toxic. Especially the ones that form in schools. Most of the time, they’re gossiping about other people’s children. How are you not ashamed?” – Zahra Hussein*, 35, Mumbai

“I wake up some days so full of love and appreciation for my children. I’m thankful to God for giving me this role. Then there are days I wake up and think about a life without my children. The ‘what if’ is very real. I would have had a greater career trajectory, travelled a lot more and done things that aren’t limited to being ‘family-friendly’.” – Amara Patel*, 43, Ahmedabad

“Children are more open and vocal about things now in their life with their parents, and that’s good. But things like mental health, sexuality and gender…we don’t fully understand them, but we try. Children will share something with you and then just expect you to be okay with it. We’re allowed to have our reactions, whatever they may be (of course, nothing abusive is ever okay). We need time to process and think things through as well.”– Sana Khan*, 56, Lucknow

“It’s never going to be a 50-50 partnership. Your husband will find an excuse or a way out. Society is just like that, no matter how modern we say we are now. Home and parenting will end up being the woman’s job. They will always get the greater load, and that’s something you need to think about and prepare for before making these big life decisions. Men will never take as much ownership and responsibility as we need them to.” – Meera Choudhury*, 33, Mumbai

“Sometimes you look at your adult child and think, ‘What an a******. Where did I go wrong?’ Some days I don’t like the person they are.” – Lakshmi Roy*, 62, Chennai

“Some mothers aren’t meant to be mothers. As a mom yourself, you can tell they have no mothering instincts or desires or even interest in parenting. Then they palm off those responsibilities to others in the family. We may be born with the natural plumbing for it, but that doesn’t mean everyone is meant to be a mother. And more often than not, those are the people who have the most number of children.” – Zoya Singh*, 41, Amritsar

“‘Trauma’ has become everyone’s new favourite word. ‘You traumatised me because of this; you did or didn’t do that and now I have trauma.’ What do you mean? I did my best.” – Madhumati Reddy*, 66, New Delhi

“Most mom-shaming comes from other mothers. What happened to women supporting women? In reality, if you do something other than the norm, people react saying, ‘how can you do this? What about your children?’ There are two parents, so what if I’m putting myself first?” – Ishaani Dutta,* 58, Chennai

“Calling mothers multitasking superwomen is the biggest cop-out of society. We don’t want this title. We don’t wear it with pride. Maybe we make ourselves believe we are somehow better than others because we’re doing all of this as a way to cope or live in denial. We do it because we have no other choice.” – Nandini Das*, 59, Gurugram

“We’re tired. We get tired of the children and want to run away for peace of mind. I miss my pre-kid days…a lot.” – Neha Verma*, 41, Bengaluru

“Social media is the worst thing that has ever happened. Children build these expectations by seeing things in the West that aren’t possible or easy to do in an Indian context. Things are just different here, and it’s not because your parents aren’t trying to make others in the family comfortable with your sexual exploration or political opinions. But we are in a different social setup. It’s going to take time. Sometimes it is just easier to keep things to ourselves and not share with everyone.” – Kamala Pillai*, 60, Faridabad

“This new idea of ‘boundaries’ I don’t understand. What boundaries? We are your parents. We’re not asking for you to be our slaves, but we are a family, and we look after each other. Parents sacrifice more than their children will ever know about. Then for them to turn around and say, ‘Please only call me on Sunday between 5 PM to 7 PM’ is unbelievable.” – Krisna Banerjee, 71, Noida

“Having children is a nightmare. Your body never recovers, not only aesthetically but health-wise too. You begin to wonder if it’s worth it, going through all of that only to bring a child into a world that’s collapsing.”– Reva Malhotra*, 33, New Delhi

“My daughter told me about her ‘gentle’ parenting style and how bad parenting techniques were in the old days. I couldn’t help but laugh. As her daughter gets older, she will understand that we weren’t totally wrong. Sometimes a slap is the only way.” – Sanjana Verma*, 67, Noida

“I felt nothing for my child after childbirth. There was no connection. I was simply in pain and didn’t want anything to do with him. I just wanted to recover and be left alone, but you’re supposed to automatically put on this mothering cap and give your life to someone else. These things can take time. Every woman’s experience is different.” – Koel Mandal*, 36, Mumbai

“The fact that women are raising children, running a household and then coming to work, running teams and meeting all deadlines and excelling at projects should automatically give us a higher salary.” – Zeina Lal*, 42, Bengaluru