9 questions Indians often ask about sex

Laughter, disdain, anger, shame, curiosity —  sex evokes even more emotion that the word love. Despite the fact that we’re having a lot of it (India is the second most populated country in the world), our culture demands that it be largely shrouded in mystery. Especially for women.

TV presenter, writer, and live events moderator Leeza Mangaldas who hosts a sex-themed show on Youtube, took on the challenge of answering the nine questions that Indians ask most often about sex. From how much is too much, does size really matter and why self-help is sometimes the best help, she isn’t afraid to talk dirty.

I’m a woman and even though I enjoy sex, I don’t always orgasm, is that normal?
“Honestly, most women do not orgasm every single time they have sex, but there are several things that can be done to increase the likelihood of orgasm. Buy yourself a dual action vibrator and experiment with self pleasure—it changed my life. Also, communicate what works for you to your partner. There’s no shame in doing that, if you’re honest about how your body works, most people are eager to please.”

Does sex hurt the first time?
“Well, it doesn’t have to, if you and your partner take things slow and have an open mind for communication and you feel safe and comfortable and there’s lots of foreplay and you let loose, it doesn’t have to be painful. In the words of Rohan Joshi, ‘your first sexual experience tend to be way less Karan Johar and way more Anurag Kashyap’.”

Do girls bleed the first time they have sex?
“A lot of women are made to feel like if they don’t bleed something is wrong with them — this ridiculous idea that blood is proof of virginity. Most people think of the hymen as a sort of flat barrier which is gonna break dramatically, when really, it’s an elastic scrunchy-like thing and so some women bleed and some don’t. Either way, it’s perfectly fine.”

Do you have to start having sex by a certain age?
“It’s worth keeping in mind that the legal age of consent for sex in India is 18 — knowing that, you never have to feel pressurised to do something that you don’t want to nor should you pressurise someone to do something they don’t want to. Before you start having sex, the most important thing is consent. I can’t stress it enough.”

Do guys like body hair on women or not?
“Personally, I think we all need to relax about body hair — too many people put themselves through painful hair removal procedures because they feel that’s the only way they’ll be desirable. If you’re doing it for yourself and like how it looks, fine. But if you’re doing it because you think your partner wouldn’t love you if you have hair, then you should either find a better partner or cut yourself some slack. It is highly unlikely that your partner will leave you because you have hair.”

How often should you have sex?
“There’s no right answer to this, you can have sex as often as you want, as long it’s not getting in the way of your responsibilities or work, as long as you’re not hurting yourself, have sex all the time.”

Does penis size matter?
“It matters more if you’re enthusiastic. If you’re a generous lover who makes your partner’s pleasure a priority, you’re going to be better off.”

What is slut shaming?
“Slut shaming is making women feel bad about wanting to have sex, having sex, embracing their sexuality, really anything to do with female desire or women and sex tends to be shrouded in shame and stigma, especially in Indian society. I would put all of that under the umbrella of slut shaming. We’re so conditioned that even we’re not exempt from feeling ashamed of our own desires. Everyone has to stop slut shaming, men women everyone.

How should I discuss sexual health or STDs?
“If you’re not in a monogamous relationship, regardless of whether you are already on a form of birth control or IUD, you absolutely have to be using condoms, that’s the only thing that’s going to be prevent an STD. If you’re in a monogamous relationship and looking to switch from condoms to another form of birth control pill or an IUD, you certainly need to get tested, that is something you should regard as any other aspect of your health, it’s a basic medical procedure.”

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