Chick-lit, erotica & porn: How Indian women seek pleasure
Indian women open up about their porn preferences
As humans we are hardwired to be inquisitive, and it’s only natural our curiosity is piqued when it comes to carnal pleasures like sex. It drove us to sneakily Google the name of the movie we were watching with our parents last night and Papa rushed to switch the channel when someone’s sideboob appeared. We’d click ‘wohoo’ in hot tubs while playing the Sims game and get horrified when an NSFW website popped up when all you were trying to do was find out when Uttaranchal formerly changed to Uttarakhand for your political science class homework. These were the days before Ad Blockers existed, when Dr Watsa’s columns would make us blush and giggle, as sex, in various ways, made its way into our lives.
We were curious about the weirdly shaped appendages, the hair and lack thereof, the sights and sounds, but even today, when we think about sex we rarely think about women’s pleasure and personal satisfaction.
Porn ban aside, the stigma is real when it comes to women’s pleasure, and few are vocal about their preferences. “The word ‘sex’ itself would make people cringe if you said it in public, so it’s unsurprising that people prefer to talk about pleasure and desire behind closed doors,” says Andrita D’Mello, a Bengaluru-based couples’ counsellor and intimacy specialist.
“Porn is most people’s first point of reference to sex. It’s what many go back to, for (misguided) ‘guidance’ and masturbation. But porn for women doesn’t mean the same as it does for men, in my experience,” adds D’Mello. After going through D’Mello’s analysis of the responses we got from 536 Tweak readers, it becomes apparent that she’s right. With the promise of anonymity, our Tweak tribe stepped up and spoke freely about what they like, don’t like, what they want more of and where they seek pleasure.
59% of the women say they do indulge in pornography, but porn for women is way beyond perfect, hairless specimens bumping bottoms. “What we refer to as ‘pornography’ typically means videos/films, but essentially, it’s a way to seek sexual arousal and stimulation. Since sex for women is more complex than a physical act, it’s natural that there is a wider net of arousal avenues for women’s pleasure,” says trauma-informed psychotherapist, Nishita Khanna.
These women’s preferences range from ‘traditional’ videos and erotic literature to audio stories. It’s not a one-size-fits-all scenario, but rather a buffet of choices. And today, women are ready to try it all.
With the help of experts, we look at how the meaning of porn for women has evolved to defy formats and genres, and the positive way in which our respondents opened up about what they want and like, which Khanna says is in itself a big step in the right direction. In this intriguing exploration of women’s pleasure, a diverse spectrum of preferences came to light, providing a closer look at the multifaceted nature of desire.
Video vs. other mediums
Visual tsunami
While video still took precedence over other mediums of erotic explorations, there’s a clear resistance towards explicit videos that “cause a potential sensory overload,” says Khanna.
“From a young age, women are told to hide their own bodies, forget about looking at someone else’s. So a purely visual form of pornography can often be too overwhelming, especially for traditional sensibilities.” However, from the 58 women we spoke to about traditional pornography, 26 say they prefer videos, but out of those, a majority of women added that they’re tired of the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am male gaze of most adult content out there, and seek something softer or with a storyline.
“Pornography has allowed me to explore and better understand some kinks, and even explore mild BDSM,” says Parvani*, a 38-year-old marketing professional based in Ludhiana.
D’Mello understands the desire for gentler visuals, stating that the reality of violent crimes and abuse towards women have mentally tainted us all in different ways. “There is a sense of fear too, when it comes to more extreme or coercive (even if consensual and staged) sexual intercourse.”
Speaking to women living with vaginismus (when you feel ‘sealed up down there‘) Proactive for Her found that 60% of their participants refer to Nirbhaya and the impact it has had in the “manifestation of vaginismus in many, many women…When the mind perceives penetration as a threat, it is unable to accept that sex can be pleasurable. This fear can then affect the body; the vagina involuntarily shuts down and this results in pain around penetration,” they write in their Instagram post.
Sensory immersion
22 of the women we spoke to stated they exclusively engage with erotic audio stories, podcasts and literature (we dug up some queer and feminist erotica too), which Khanna says suggests a desire for a more controlled and sensory-rich experience. “This preference reflects a profound desire for a more layered and controlled sensory experience. It suggests a conscious decision to engage the imagination actively, allowing each woman to become the architect of her intimate narrative.”
You can create a vivid image with erotica and audio stories. This fully immersive aspect draws people to websites like Dipsea and Literotica, which feature erotic literature and audio stories.
Diversity in desires
Our Tweak readers’ desires weave together a dynamic story that celebrates personal choice. Our readers seek out videos where respect takes the spotlight, a departure from traditional narratives that focus solely on the objectification of women. “I often watch women-on-women because heterosexual videos become too much,” says Sanjeeda*, a home-maker based in Delhi. “You can get down and dirty while keeping the dignity of women in intimate scenarios,” says Anamika*, an advertising professional in Mumbai.
However, explicit scenarios do find their place in this eclectic mix of desires. There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to fantasies. D’Mello says that such content is of interest to women who would like to explore something unconventional or rough with a partner, but are afraid or unsure of the reality of it. “Pleasure and arousal can be sought from the videos without any real physical threat.”
Women in charge
Plot twist: pornography in all its forms may have started as something that, more often than not, demeans or exploits women (the erotic performers), but now, women are at the helm, deciding how the story unfolds. “It’s like being the director of their own movie, with the freedom to set the pace and style of their intimate exploration,” says Khanna about the rising popularity of erotica. This hands-on approach underscores the power of personalisation. Did you know the ‘After’ series of novels by Anna Todd started off on the Notes app and was uploaded to Wattpad – notorious for self-published fanfic that borders on erotica – before becoming an international sensation? You never know who the next Wattpad writing sensation could be, so why not try, says Khanna.
It’s challenging to gauge how widespread this kind of sexual liberation truly is, given we have little to no national statistics, so to speak. But past reports and surveys by companies like That’s Personal and P-who-must-not-be-name-Hub do give us some insight into women across India.
In That’s Personal’s 2020 India Uncovered report, they stated that while first-time buyers of sex toys and other intimate products are male, it is women who place more repeat orders with a basket size 33% larger than that of men.
Of the total Pornhub traffic from India, 30% of them were women. It may not seem like a lot, but that’s 30% of the world’s most populated nation. And seeing that Vijayawada in Andhra Pradesh, Jamshedpur in Jharkhand and Belgaum in Karnataka are cities and towns where there are more female buyers than men of sex toys and intimate products, according to That’s Personal, it’s safe to say that while it’s still whispered about, female sexuality is being explored across all tiers.
Women are no longer just passive recipients of societal norms. They are actively contributing to the narrative. Yet, there remains a taboo surrounding discussions on intimate desires that we have a long way to go before dismantling. But the openness with which we have started is ushering in a breath of fresh air — whether found in the subtleties of audio narratives, the pages of erotica books or the diverse scenarios of explicit content.
*Names changed upon contributor’s request for anonymity.
