8 lessons on how to get your own Happily Ever After from seniors who got theirs
Thoda namak, thodi mirch and pyaar swaad anusaar
My favourite story from my dadi was about her marriage to my grandpa. She was from Nashik, and the only condition she had for the prospective groom was that he had to be from Mumbai. Word was sent out, a match was found, and after the kundalis aligned, so did their lives.
Though my grandfather wasn’t a man of many words, he expressed his love in quiet yet powerful ways. He never forced her to wear the traditional nauvari saree as was custom, arranged for an English tutor to support her learning, travelled with her all across India and, most importantly, treated her as his equal. In a time when freedom for women was rare, he made sure she had hers.
Our grandparents didn’t need a dictionary of dating rules to find love that lasted. No ghosting, no breadcrumbing, no decoding texts like you’re a RAW agent. Just real love, built on patience, laughter, and maybe a little bit of selective hearing (just like this couple who have been together for 60 years). To sort out our modern love dilemmas and get some old-school advice on how to do relationships right, we turned to the seniors, folks above 60 years for their grand advice. From how to handle fights to keeping the peace in the kitchen, their wisdom is like a well-aged bottle of red—timeless, rich, and worth savouring.
8 seniors share love advice for long-lasting relationships
Draw harmonious boundaries with each other
Pune-based retired teacher Neelima Kulkarni, 75 has been married to her husband Charuhas Kulkarni, 73 for 47 years. A true enemies-to-lovers romance, they were in the same theatre group in college and bickered endlessly till the fights sparked a romance. “My family didn’t agree to our marriage so my father-in-law helped us elope and get married. For a year, my family didn’t speak to me but when I got pregnant and my older brother was set to marry, we reconciled,” she recalls.
On putting up with each other’s personalities and quirks, Kulkarni says, “He’s a perfectionist. It used to bother me before but over time I accepted that this was just how he was and learnt to let it go. Now I tell him, you keep your cupboard neat, don’t force me to do so and he also doesn’t bother to give me any tippani on it anymore.”
Don’t interfere with each other’s ‘me’ time
Kulkarni’s significant other, Charuhas says the secret to balancing togetherness in a relationship while maintaining personal space is by giving each other ‘me time’. “I love photography and I travel a lot on photography tours. I was also very engaged in graphology for a few years after retirement, she never stopped me from going anywhere or doing anything. Likewise, she enjoyed match-making and setting people up, I never interfered in it because I knew she liked doing it. I helped her if she asked for it but never otherwise.”
Don’t make spite your go-to buddy during fights
Delhi-based retired teacher Sunita Mehra, 68 has been married to her husband for 45 years now. “It was an arranged marriage and in our first meeting, we were surrounded by 10 relatives. We spoke for exactly three minutes and some of it was about aloo paratha. I said I think any sabzi can be turned into a good paratha, and apparently, that was enough for him to say yes to the marriage,” she says.
On resolving fights, Mehra shares that the way you communicate in a relationship is important. “In the early days of our relationship, I used to refrain from arguing too much. I would accept the situation and do things even if I didn’t want to do them. Over time I learnt that saying ‘no’ was okay, and we were able to build a way of communicating that worked for us as a couple. We are honest with each other, but we try not to hurt each other’s feelings out of spite or just to make a point.”
Let the butterflies fly away
Sixty-three-year-old Mehjabin Ahmad Khan from Lucknow is a small business owner and has been married to her husband for 30 years. “It feels like 30 years some days, 300 on others,” she jokes. “We met at a wedding—he was in the groom’s family, I was in the bride’s. He claims he noticed me first, but I noticed him noticing me, so technically, I win. Our families were hesitant at first (different religions, this was my second marriage as I’m a young widow and that came with superstitions for a lot of people), but we fought for it. He was a cousin’s friend, so through him, we’d set up secret meetings. With time both families came around and we got married.”
On dealing with feelings changing over time in a long relationship, Khan shares, “Feelings do change over time and it’s normal. The thrill of love turns into the comfort of love. Kids nowadays talk about “Oh I’m so crazy in love, I’ve got butterflies”, but those things fade fast. You want to be calm in love, not crazy in love.”
Learn when to give your inner Jhansi ki Rani a timeout
S Meenakshi Iyer, 62, from Coimbatore, is a homemaker and married to her husband for 40 years. “It was a mix of arrangement and romance. We met through family, exchanged letters before our wedding and bonded over books, music, and dreams. By the time our marriage was finalised, we deeply cared for each other. Love followed, growing stronger as we truly got to know one another.”
On adjusting to each other’s families, Iyer says you should learn to pick your battles. “Adjust is the right word. My in-laws had a habit of commenting on everything—how I cooked, how I dressed, how I breathed. I smiled, nodded, and mostly did what I wanted. Luckily we didn’t live in the same house. Over time, they learned to accept me, and I learned which fights to pick.”
Pick them, choose them, love them
Noida-based retired paediatrician Gehna Sharma, 67, got married at the ripe young age of 22 and was married to her husband for 40 years before he passed. “I was a young doctor, he was an engineer. He used to wait outside my hospital to pick me up, and sometimes he’d bring coffee in a flask because I’d miss my lunch breaks. With him, it was never grand gestures— it was those little things, those quiet moments that built our love.”
On building trust as a couple, Sharma says that it’s difficult but you keep at it by being honest. “There was a period when he lost his job, so I was the earning member of the family, and some people tried to create trouble. To be honest, I had moments of doubt too. He got another job but I was earning more, and I thought that somehow that would make him ‘feel bad’. See, society conditions us that way. But he always reminded me, we’re on the same team. I think that’s trust – you’re choosing each other, every day.”
Be each other’s safe space
Sixty-four-year-old Mumbai-based college professor Kalpana Bhuse has been married to her husband for 36 years and was dating him for 10 years before that. “We lived in the same building and hung out regularly. I used to go to a sports complex to play badminton and he visited whenever I went. I thought he liked the sport, I had no idea he came there to see me. Over time, we bonded over our shared interests and fell in love,” she recalls.
On keeping each other secure in the relationship, Bhuse says that you need to be very honest and truthful with your partner. “Don’t lie to them about anything because faith is an important pillar of a relationship. Yes, if you think there’s a situation when lying will be beneficial for your partner and save them from some emotional distress, then small white lies are fine. But otherwise, create that safe space between the two of you. Trust comes first, love and care follow,” says Bhuse.
Ease each other’s burdens
When seniors share love advice, you know a nugget from a centenarian has to be a gem. 103-year-old retired teacher Vasantrao Kerur married his late wife shortly after independence, around 1950. He was married to her for 74 years until she passed away in 2022. “It was an arranged marriage, but I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. At that moment I knew she was the one I wanted to marry.”
On maintaining harmony in the relationship, Kerur says that you should always help out in the kitchen, whether they ask for it or not. “When we moved away from our large joint family, I started helping her in the kitchen. I used to cut vegetables, clean paalak and methi and make aamras during summers. It wasn’t a lot but it gave her some relief. And a happy wife means a happy life.”
