face masks
Photo: Unsplash & freepik
by Sara Hussain Discover
July 13, 2020

People are wearing diamond and gold face masks like this is a Bappi Lahiri music video

When bling trumps brain

We’ve reached that part of the pandemic when even the most bizarre things are starting to make sense. Did your boss turn into a potato during your Zoom meeting? Cool, it happens.

People need to talk to their cats about COVID-19 because they’re at risk too, right?

We laughed at Tom Hanks in Castaway befriending Wilson the volleyball, but now that kind of behaviour would just offend our friends Prachi the pillow and Shyam the succulent.

Life is strange but we’re doing what we always do — what aunties on the Delhi metro staring you down in your seat expect you to do, so they can also sit — thoda sa adjust.

So what if all the weddings, events, club nights and kitty parties have shut down because of coronavirus, we can still bring our quintessential zhuzh to our new go-to accessory, the face mask.

Bedazzled with diamonds and gold laden, face masks are becoming the newest addition to our traditional wedding wear. Sabyasachi outfits are no longer the standard for wedding fanciness.

Along with ladoos, pedas and lifafas, the bride and groom’s family thalis will have a special spot reserved for designer face masks. Aunties will be found in the corner whispering, “tsk tsk only ₹1.5 lakh they spent on the mask, chee. You know, Sarita’s cousin got one made for ₹5 lakh. Now that’s real class.”

The next thing you know every designer from fashion to jewellery will have their own line of bespoke, handmade, holistic, organic, no-nasties face masks, each containing a single hair from the head of a newborn albino goat, studded with pink diamonds and leather trims.

At least Pune man Shankar Kurhade, with his gold face mask, acknowledged that it wasn’t effective in protecting him from coronavirus.

Instagram notoriety apart, we suggest embracing function over form and following this guide to wearing masks the right way. Bappi insists.