19 realistic romantic movies that could save you years and lakhs in therapy

Films that go past palat and papaji’s permission —for the heartbroken, the hopeful and everyone in between

My ex-boyfriend ghosted me for a month before he decided to break up with me. He’s the kind of specimen that viral internet memes are made of, one I would have known to watch out for if I had been fed a diet of realistic romantic movies instead of Notting Hill on loop.

Pop culture’s cheesy view of love is nice to revel in, occasionally — but also makes you fight with your husband because he didn’t mind read your PMS-induced cupcake craving.

We turn to cinema for its escapist qualities, but as in life, we like our watchlists to keep it real.

A relationship that ends doesn’t automatically become devoid of love. Even if you try to wipe the slate clean in pursuit of the Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind.

Unrequited love is more common than a happy ending. Just ask those folks building a skyscraper in the friendzone.

You might even turn to Twinkle Khanna’s guide to surviving marriage without going to jail.

In a long-term relationship, midnight Pudin Hara runs for your explosive diarrhoea, and sneaking into your child’s play tent for a quickie, might be the most romantic things that ever happen to you. That doesn’t make them any less special. Love, after all, is about who is willing to weather storms with you — big or small.

Thankfully, filmmakers have embraced the beauty of the ordinary, the painful and the unfinished, and given us realistic romantic movies to binge watch.

We had to weed through the purely fantastical romances with the precision of a mom eliminating unsuitable suitors for her offspring on Shaadi.com, but thanks to realistic romantic movies and my own checkered experiences, my watchlists (and expectations from adult relationships) have been updated.

Here are our favourites:

Realistic romantic movies: a modern love watchlist

Someone Great, 2019 – for when you’re heartbroken

Girl loves boy and her career. What happens when she has to pick between the two? Why even does she have to pick between the two?

This Gina Rodriguez (of Jane The Virgin)-starrer, written and directed by Jennifer Kaytin Robinson, follows a music journalist in New York, who lands her dream job in San Francisco, but gets dumped by her boyfriend of nine years.

Her best friends rally together to celebrate and mourn with her.

The woman-helmed entry on the list of realistic romantic movies shoves aside all your preconceived notions of healing from heartbreak and moving on, shattering your idea of what a ‘happy ending’ is.

The love they’re talking about is the one you mourn for, but have to move on from, the love that binds lifelong friendships and the love you show when you pick yourself above all else.

Someone great is already in your life. And that person, quite often, is you.

Watch on Netflix 

Silver Linings Playbook, 2012 — for when you’re struggling to see the light

We’re used to watching two people fall in love, professing to accept each other’s flaws — flaws that tend to be toxic exes, dysfunctional families, and the occasional quirk.

Real life, mental illness and love don’t go quite as smoothly.

In Silver Linings Playbook, we see the gradual coming together of two complicated individuals — a young widow Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence) and Pat (Bradley Cooper), diagnosed with bipolar disorder who gets anxiety attacks, each wading through a storm of problems, finally finding an anchor in each other.

Emotional baggage, disillusionment, compromises and the acceptance of real flaws many not seem like the love story of your dreams. The silver lining?

This enduring kind of slow love is as real as it gets.

Watch on Google Play 

Blue Jay, 2016 — for when you’re feeling nostalgic

Nostalgia, like wasabi peas, is addictive — and if you have too much of either, you run the risk of finding yourself in tears and reevaluating your choices.

The black-and-white film follows a chance meeting between two long-separated high school sweethearts, in their hometown. Reminiscing is a predictable fallout of their reunion.

Sure, we’re used to imagining ourselves as the heroines of our own dramas, but the ‘what ifs’ played out by these two characters (Sarah Paulson and Mark Duplass) speak to our very souls.

This Alex Lehmann film might reaffirm your faith in your choices… or make you long for the one(s) that got away.

Either way, don’t call the ex.

Watch on Netflix

Bombay, 1995 — for when you need a reality check 

Set against the backdrop of the Bombay riots of 1992, and their aftermath, this Mani Ratnam film follows an inter-caste couple battling religious persecution, communal differences and family opposition to do the one thing they so deeply desire — be with one another.

Manisha Koirala and Arvind Swami star as a young Muslim woman and a Hindu man, who fall in love but face opposition from an intolerant society — and a number of people who have absolutely nothing to do with their relationship.

Decades have passed, but considering our current political climate and aversion to relationships that our minds don’t understand, it remains as relevant, and poignant even today.

Some love stories are more difficult than others. But love endures.

Watch on Google Play

Praktan (former), 2016 – for when you’re trying to move on

This Bengali-language film focuses on a multi-layered perspective of failed relationships.

Set over two days inside a train compartment, the film follows each of the characters as they deal with ghosts of their past.

Sudipa (Rituparna Sengupta), sharing a coupe with Malini and her daughter, is on the first class compartment alongside a musician grappling with his fading success, an elderly couple struggling to keep up with changing times and even a honeymooning couple wherein the husband wonders if his wife simply ‘settled’ for him.

Over a series of conversations, Sudipa realises that her co-passenger is the wife of her ex-husband (Ujaan, played by Prosenjit Chatterjee).

Through Malini’s eyes, Sudipa gets a glimpse into her former partner’s current life and realises how he has evolved since their marriage fell apart.

The director uses non-linear storytelling  and tracks how the characters have evolved and learnt from their mistakes, showing varied perspectives.

And just like the train journey shown in the film, it reminds you that life, too, goes on.

Watch on Zee5

Intolerable Cruelty, 2003 — for when you’re looking for laughs

There’s nothing romantic about a failed marriage. Most of the time all you’re left with are memories, and alimony, if you’re lucky. But in the case of high-flying divorce lawyer Miles Massey (George Clooney) who squeezes pennies from philandering spouses, you’re also left with a giant paycheque.

The plot follows Massey as he’s hired by unfaithful real estate tycoon Rex to represent him against his allegedly gold-digging wife (Catherine Zeta Jones). Against all odds, and logic, sparks fly between the ex-missus to be and the cynical divorce lawyer.

This Coen Brothers-directed version of realistic romantic movies does require you to engage a little suspension of disbelief to enjoy the film, but ultimately reminds you that love could be lurking in the unlikeliest of places.

Watch on Youtube movies

Once, 2007 – for when you’re ready to bawl like a baby

Girl (Marketa Irglova) meets Guy (Glen Hansard). Girl and Guy fall in love with each other and record a beautiful album highlighting the high points of their blossoming relationship.

Set in Dublin, this Irish musical follows an unnamed Guy (a busker in Dublin) and Girl (a flower girl), as they meet on the streets and proceed to live out the most idyllic meet-cute celluloid has seen in recent times.

As the story unfolds, real life comes back to haunt the starry-eyed lovers just as much as it haunts us.

Guy has a broken heart, and an ex-girlfriend back in London, and Girl has a child, and an estranged husband. They seem to be falling in love, never explicitly telling the viewers or each other, though.

It’s hidden in stolen glances, poignant lyrics and subtle hints. Do they try and turn this mirage into reality? Or is it a dream they’ll have to wake up from?

Infidelity, missed chances, the peculiar, bittersweet appeal of transient love — the movie is evocative, compelling and will make you think about those stolen glances with strangers, the one you should have left behind, or the one you could have run away with.

The soundtrack is one that will you hear on loop — more than Once.

Watch on Google Play

Like Crazy, 2011 – for when you’re missing your long-distance lover

For those of us who have been socially distancing away from our partners, this forced long-distance relationship has been quite a (nausea-inducing) ride.

Is he actually playing video games or staying up all night exchanging DMs with some girl on Instagram? Do I even know how to kiss anymore?

Like Crazy follows an American boy (Anton Yelchin) falling in love with a British girl (Felicity Jones).

Their burgeoning romance is tested when immigration issues force them apart, and like regular humans, they struggle with the long-distance relationship. Director Drake Doremus borrowed many elements from his eight-year long-distance relationship in the film.

A refreshing take on an eons-old dilemma, the film is uncomfortably real.

Depicting a slow burn — the first flush of romance to the reunions that go from hopeful, to awkward and even strained, it might make you squirm uncomfortably when seeing situations you may have found yourself in.

Watch on Netflix

Silsila, 1981— for a multi-layered take on infidelity

Infidelity is the most divisive term. Second only to ‘pineapple on pizza’. Cheaters are painted out to be soulless demons out to inflict pain on their unassuming partners.

While it’s true in many cases, infidelity, like love is a many-layered thing, that only the two people in a relationship can understand or come to terms with.

What triggered it, who deserved it, who to blame are all subjective. And a Yash Chopra film that was way ahead of its time took it head on.

Amit (Amitabh Bachchan) decides to marry his deceased brother’s pregnant fiancee, Shobha (Jaya Bachchan), to protect her dignity in the eyes of society.

As he crosses paths with his now-married former lover, Chandni (Rekha), they have an affair.

A dramatic look at the complexities of relationships, the grey shades of intimacy, choices, and finding the courage to have faith after trust has been broken, this movie offers a multi-layered take on fallacies and forgiveness.

Watch on Google Play 

’96, 2018 — for when you’re yearning for the good old days

It’s (kind) of easy to move on when you’ve grown apart or don’t recognise each other any more but what happens when you realise that it was miscommunication and a missed chance that destroyed your relationship?

The Tamil drama reunites two high school sweethearts, Ram (Vijay Sethupathi) and a now-married Janu (Trisha) at their 22-year reunion. The two were separated as teenagers (Ram was forced to leave school due to financial constraints) and on reconnecting, find out it was an absurd tragi-comedy of errors.

But did the love disappear when the disappointment and distance kicked in all those years ago?

Or is it lurking like softly burning embers that only needs a raging match to bring to life? Watch the movie to find out, and keep the tissues box handy.

Sometimes the only right answer to what if is let go.

Watch on Google Play

Holding The Man, 2015 — for a heart-wrenching history lesson

Adapted from Timothy Conigrave’s 1995 memoir of the same name, the film is an intimate account of his 15-year relationship with lover John Caleo, that begin in the late 60s.

Set in a time when same-sex relationships faced societal oppression, the AIDS menace and a host of other obstacles, the film traces their heartbreaking 15-year journey as they stay together “for better, or for worse.”

While we’ve made strides in finally accepting sexual relationships across the spectrum, this is a reminder of those who had to fight the good fight in order for us to be able to live freer.

The fact that it’s based on a true story makes it even more of a tear-jerker.

Watch on Netflix

Forgetting Sarah Marshall, 2008— for when you’re trying to get your ex (and their current) out of your mind

The only way to get over someone is to get under somebody else. Ah, familiar pearls of wisdom your friends drop on you when you’re nursing a broken heart and can’t remember what it feels like to be loved any more.

The film follows Peter (Jason Segel), unceremoniously dumped by his girlfriend (Kristen Bell), whose one-night stand tactic is not filling the black hole in his heart. Desperate, he takes off on a solo trip to Hawaii.

Naturally his ex and her brash boyfriend (Russel Brand) are in the same resort, and he finds companionship in a friendly hotel employee (Mila Kunis). Then he gets stuck between opening himself to a new love, and seeking comfort in the familiar.

It’s a lighter take on realistic love stories, but the lingering feelings you have for an ex, the safety of familiarity vs the eternal hope, flush and fear associated with starting afresh, are accurately depicted.

Watch on Google Play

It’s Complicated, 2009 — for when you’re questioning your taste in men

If you’re getting back together with your awful ex for the 7th time, then this film starring Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin as a divorced couple who start having an affair with each other 10 years after they divorced, is probably something you can identify with.

Drama ensues when a new man (Steve Martin) comes sliding in to her life.

In your case it might be the exhaustion from swiping left on Tinder, the yearning for someone who knows exactly what buttons to press to get you going, or just the intense need for the familiarity and warmth of the known, but it’s a familiar tale.

Watch the Nancy Meyers film for the laughs and to find if she decides to embrace an old love, or break expected patterns.

Also we’ll watch anything with Meryl Streep in it. It’s not that complicated.

Watch on Youtube Movies

Crazy, Stupid, Love, 2011 – for when you just want a happy ending

Sure, Crazy, Stupid, Love is not one of the most realistic romantic movies there is because it involves finding love with a man who has Ryan Gosling abs. But then again Eva Mendes did, so there’s hope.

The film follows parallel storylines — middle-aged Cal (Steve Carrell) finds out his wife (Julianne Moore) cheated on him and they go through a trial separation, where he’s trained in the art of seduction, by a suave young man and goes through his own version of an existential crisis.

The young man (Ryan Gosling) eventually finds love himself — in Hanna (Emma Stone).

Where the twain meet, and how the stories come together — for you to watch and find out.

We love this film for its true to life depiction of the craziness of kismet, the stupidity a mid-life crisis and trauma can bring on and the resilient power of love.

Watch on Netflix

The Before trilogy — for when you’re feeling a gamut of emotions

Richard Linklater is a man who finishes what he starts. His film Boyhood captures the perils and pleasures of growing up, following a cast across 12 years of filming.

In the same vein, his Before trilogy dissects a relationship, from its first flushes to when the sun seems to set on the romance.

We meet the lead pair Celine and Jesse, (Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke) in Before Sunrise (1995) — as two strangers who meet on a train, and spend the night together in Vienna.

It’s a long dialogue between the two as they discover each other — and just like the honeymoon phase of any relationship, all they can see is each other, as the rest of the world blurs around them. Of course, they part ways with a promise to meet.

Before Sunset (2004) follows the characters nine years after they met. Fate separated them, and brought them together once again – but this time, the stars in their eyes are gone, replaced with cynicism for the lives they’ve lead, separately.

They both come with strings (and other paramours attached). The relationship, like most, matures, stumbling over obstacles, and forces each one to make life-changing decisions.

But the story doesn’t end at happily ever after.

Before Midnight (2013) picks up nine years later, when the lead pair are parents to twin girls, and Jesse’s son from his previous marriage.

The naïve romantic leads we met in the first film are replaced by a weathered couple — and they have their ups and downs… even while on an idyllic vacation with their family in Greece.

The intimate first film is alleged to have been based on Linklater’s own encounter with a stranger, during his travels — and perhaps only a true life event could have inspired a film so deeply authentic.

The series takes you on a journey, casting a spell, and breaking its own, yet leaves you enchanted.

Watch Before Sunrise on Netflix; Before Sunset on Hungama

Blue Valentine, 2010 — for when you’re tired of trying

Little things add up to be big things — that’s what life-affirming memes tell us anyway. One day you’ll realise it was the small gestures that meant the most.

When it comes to Blue Valentine, a film about seemingly big gestures — like marrying a woman and raising a child that may or may not be yours, it is these small gestures that show the gradual, painful breakdown of a relationship.

Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams play a married couple, who had a dramatic beginning to their love story, but real life creeps in.

His lack of ambition starts to grate on her, as does his dependence on alcohol. His dog is killed because of her negligence and the cracks in their romance are hard to ignore.

As the film weaves from the happy days of their burgeoning relationship to its languishing end times, it reminds you viscerally, that everything that happens Once Upon a Time also has an End.

And it isn’t always a happy one.

Watch on Netflix

Brooklyn, 2015— for when you need to hold on to your faith

The story of Irish immigrant Eilis (Saoirse Ronan) who is transported to New York in the the 1950s.

She meets the love of her life (Emory Cohen) in NY, but circumstances draw her back to her native Ireland and she gets embroiled in the drama of small-town life, and of being set up with appropriate strangers (Domnhall Gleeson), like other ladies her age.

A woman coming of age and finding herself amidst turmoil, and societal pressure. A tale of lovers torn apart… take away from it what you will.

At its heart, it’s a story of love, about the love you have for yourself— Eilis chose her independence when she decided to leave Ireland the first time around… and ultimately, chooses herself again.

Watch on Google Play