14 parenting surprises according to Indian dads

“Parenting is a lifelong job, with new software updates”

If women are practically handed motherhood manuals from birth, men are more like last-minute crammers—stumbling through the syllabus, hoping to figure things out along the way. From the moment we play with dolls, help in the kitchen, or are asked to ‘watch’ younger siblings, the preparation for motherhood begins, ingrained into us from a young age. On the other hand, parenting seems to hit dads like an unplanned group project—everyone’s confused, but somehow, they’re in charge.

A remarkable study highlights just how intense this transformation is for women. Neuroscientist Liz Chrastil took her own journey to motherhood as a scientific opportunity, documenting the changes in her brain before, during, and after pregnancy. The results were fascinating—pregnancy caused a reduction in grey matter (connected to memory and cognition), but instead of being a “loss”, it primed her for deeper maternal bonding and caregiving. Her brain was essentially rewiring itself to focus on what really matters: survival and nurturing.

These changes, though, aren’t exclusive to moms. Fathers, too, experience neuroplasticity, or brain rewiring, when a baby comes into the picture. A study found that new dads experience brain shifts in areas related to visual processing, empathy, and attention—all to help them connect and care for their little ones. Turns out, mastering dad jokes isn’t the only new skill their brains are working on.

To get a closer look at Indian dads’ parenting experiences, we decided to go straight to the source. We asked Indian dads, aged 26 to 68, to share the things that surprised them most about parenting. From diaper disasters to endless fights and deep 3 AM philosophical debates with toddlers, here’s what they had to say.

14 Indian dads’ parenting experiences that caught them off-guard

“Before becoming a dad, I never realised the exact science behind changing a diaper. One wrong fold, and suddenly you’re hit by what I call a ‘poop volcano.’ It’s like handling nuclear waste.” – Amit Desai, 40, banker, Bengaluru

“I didn’t realise that being a dad meant I’d become the family human jungle gym. I can’t sit down for five minutes without a small human climbing onto me.” – Arjun Kapur, 44, hotel manager, Ahmedabad

“Parenthood is basically constant whiplash. One minute, she wants help with math homework, and the next, she’s asking if Santa can bring a unicorn. I’m always caught off guard—like one second you’re Einstein, the next you’re Gandalf.” – Ashok Mehta, 42, IT consultant, Pune

“I always thought babies only cry when they’re hungry or tired. Turns out, they also cry when the wind blows wrong. My son, Aarnav, once cried for 15 minutes straight after the curtains fluttered for a little too long. My wife wasn’t surprised, but I stood there wondering what the heck just happened. Why are we in crisis mode over curtains?!” – Eshaan Malhotra, 32, software engineer, New Delhi

“No one warned me that babies can give you trust issues. One minute they’re calm, and the next, they projectile vomit with the accuracy of a sniper.” – Farhan Qureshi, 31, graphic designer, Bhopal

“I thought ‘baby-proofing’ was just locking cabinets. Turns out, if a kid is determined enough, even the most secure child lock is merely a speed bump. I wouldn’t be surprised if my daughter hacks into my laptop next week” – Kabir Nath, 28, entrepreneur, Chennai

“I thought toddlers were the challenge, but wait until they become teenagers. I’ve had an easier time negotiating with clients. Nothing you do or say will be correct in their eyes, but you don’t stop trying.” – Manoj Varma, 69, retired marketing executive, Bengaluru

“I used to think parenting would get easier as the kids grew older. But now I’m navigating teenage mood swings, and it feels like I’m back in the trenches. You think tantrums stop after toddlerhood, but no—now they come with sarcasm and eye rolls. I miss the days when all I had to worry about was spit-up and making sure they kept their fingers out of electric sockets.” – Rahul Banerjee, 48, businessman, Patna

“The sheer number of times I’ve had to Google things like ‘why is baby’s poop green’… I didn’t know I would end up having to become an encyclopedia when I became a grandfather. I once spent an hour researching baby poop colours at 3 AM. I can now say I had an easier time on the force than my wife did raising our son. I’m scared every time I open a diaper. I thought I had seen it all, but now, co-parenting my grandaughter with my son, I know there’s so much left to see and learn.” – Rakesh Verma, 61, retired army officer, Lucknow

“Nobody warned me that bedtime stories could go from cute animals to ‘what is death?’ in 3 seconds flat. Suddenly, I’m philosophising at 9 PM with a 4-year-old. I was ready for stories about bunnies and princesses. But nope, my son dropped the ‘what happens when we die’ question one night, and I was left clutching the storybook like it had the answers. Not exactly how I planned my Wednesday night.” – Randeep Sethi, 37, photographer, New Delhi

“I always thought bedtime stories would be a peaceful bonding moment. Instead, I have to keep improvising and thinking up plot twists for when my child isn’t entertained enough. You have to stay sharp.” – Sreejith Narayanan, 36, civil engineer, Kochi

“I always assumed kids just sleep when they’re tired. Little did I know that you’ll spend hours singing lullabies, pacing, bouncing; it’s a full-body workout. By the time my daughter falls asleep, I can’t feel my legs or arms.” – Sunil Singh Rathore, 50, teacher, Jaipur

“I thought I had patience until I had to negotiate with a 3-year-old about why eating soap is a bad idea. It’s like arguing in court, but the other person has no logic… or hygiene. I’ve lost more arguments with her than with any judge.” – Vikram Reddy, 37, lawyer, Hyderabad

“I always believed parenting gets easier with time. Now, I’m learning how to use Instagram because my granddaughter doesn’t understand why I don’t know what a ‘meme’ is. Every time she sends me something, I have to Google it. Parenting really is a lifelong job, with new software updates.” – Aftab Chatterjee, 68, retired engineer, Kolkata