Why are we still wearing suffocating bras?

Hear us, oh benevolent lingerie gods!

Finding the right bra is the gold at the end of a confusing, underwire-laden rainbow. It’s a rite of passage that begins with trips to multipurpose stores selling nighties, bedsheets and conical-cupped bras, accompanied by our mothers. Getting stuffed into changing rooms the size of Godrej cupboards, we get measured and allotted a size that we hold onto for dear life, usually forever.

We grow in height, size and emotional maturity but somehow still stick to the same brassieres, living in denial when they’re too snug, loose or have straps that seem to be in constant rebellion against staying put — visibly so. Alert the neighbours; Victoria’s Secret is no longer a secret.

As adults, you almost feel guilty walking into the lingerie section of a store. You fear a siren will go off somewhere, announcing, “Pinky is buying bras! It’s about her breasts! She’s going to be undressing in a store that also has men…somewhere.”

We’ve all been Pinky, scared to buy something so intimate, forbidden to ask questions. It feels like we’ve been on a lifelong quest for the holy grail of bras; one that magically fits right off the rack. So we tell ourselves what we have is fine. Our loyalty to our bra size could give a Golden Retriever stiff competition. Sure, the band’s tight, sometimes making it slightly difficult to breathe, but it’s nothing that a handy bra strap extender can’t remedy, right? Okay, so the hooks on it aren’t at the right spot either, but at least you can inhale now. Don’t make any sudden movements or one of the girls may pop out of the cup that’s two sizes too small.

Can you blame us? Bra shopping can be intimidating — underwires, t-shirt bras, demi cups, push-ups, plunging and padded. In a world of straps, laces and front clasps, we feel more lost than when we were going through the trauma of doing mathematics homework with Papa on the dining table. Bra shopping needn’t be a booby trap filled with contemplations over whether the universe is pulling some sick joke on you.

An often-cited study says that 80% of women wear the wrong size, with experts adding that women continue to wear the incorrect size throughout their lives. “I can confidently say 9 out of 10 were in the wrong size,” Jené Luciani Sena, author of The Bra Book: An Intimate Guide to Finding the Right Bra, Shapewear, Swimsuit, and More, told HuffPost in an interview about the fitting she had done.

We asked our Tweak tribe and, of 1407 voters, 77% said they have continued to wear a bra even if it doesn’t fit them properly.

The older you get, navigating the bra section can feel like stepping into a vulnerability-lit room. When something doesn’t sit right you tell yourself it’s simply the reality of being bosomed.

But inhabiting a female form shouldn’t be painful or uncomfortable. The awkwardness we feel comes from years of ingrained ideas that talking about female bodies and what they experience should be done in hushed tones and private settings.

And then the moment arrives. Finding the right bra size feels like a reckoning. The clouds part, angels sing and you realise that comfort was just two sizes away. No more muttering frustratedly about bra shopping or experiencing the infamous quad-boob when your cups runneth over.

For some people, lingerie shopping is an empowering experience, but it doesn’t always need to be an Erin Brockovich moment. If you’re awkward and uncomfortable, think of it as something utilitarian that you need to do. You need pants that fit so they don’t start slipping down in the middle of a client presentation, as much as you need a bra that holds you in place without putting you in a chokehold.

We’re perhaps in the best era for bra shopping if you go to the right place, with companies like Victoria’s Secret offering non-judgemental, expert-led bra-fitting experiences at their stores. At every location, you’ll find a welcoming (and certified) brafit expert who has undergone rigorous training to understand and explain that your size is not static.

You could be a 36C in one bra style but a 38DD in another. Breasts are moody, ever-changing beings that can’t be swaddled in one-size-fits-every-occasion apparel. Stepping into a fitting room shouldn’t feel like walking into an interview with zero preparation or idea about what the company does. We’ve all had those dreams nightmares, but unlike those, in this one you’re completely dressed. They measure the band and cup size, and give recommendations with as many trials as you need.

Can’t make it to a store? You can evaluate the fit of your current bra from the comfort of your home to assess where you could possibly be going wrong. Put on a wired bra and stand in front of a mirror. Checking the following parameters can indicate whether you need a consult with a brafit expert:

• Give your band a little tug to see if it fits right. 1-2 inches from the body is just right.
• How do your straps feel? If they’re slipping off your shoulders throughout the day or digging in and leaving marks, then you may need resizing.
• Do you spill over the bra cup’s top, bottom or sides, or does the cup gape at the front?
• Do different bra styles fit you differently? For example, you’re a perfect 36C in a full coverage style, but when you try a balcony bra, you have serious spillage.

You may not have thought about this much, but trust us, it can determine whether you’re stuck wearing an ill-fitting bra. A brafit expert, on the other hand, can help you nail your size in each design.

And that’s the real dream, isn’t it? Someone else finally stepping in to give us the support, style and comfort our lady lumps require. May we all find our perfect fit, bid adieu to the days of bra-induced woes, and revel in the snug embrace of a bra that feels like it was custom-made by benevolent lingerie gods. Cheers to the end of the bra-blems.