I kept my last name after marriage, and my husband adopted it too

Among the unending ‘to-dos’ after marriage, a name change for the woman makes it to the top five. For aeons, due to legal, social and cultural reasons, women in heterosexual marriages have swapped their maiden names for a new identity, one which connected them to their husband’s family. Today, many women retain their maiden surname, or hyphenate it with their partner’s to maintain their individuality. But it is still rare to find a couple where the man adopts his wife’s family name.

Meet the Ghoshes. This US-Sweden based interracial couple is one such anomaly that is making everyone question societal norms. Writer and literature professor Amrita Ghosh married chemical engineer Christian Svensson in 2021. He then adopted his wife’s last name, adding it to his own, thus becoming Christian Svensson Ghosh.

Being of Swedish origin, this wasn’t entirely a novel act, since Sweden is one of the few countries where it’s not uncommon for the man to take on his wife’s last name. The couple can also opt for a completely new third name for the family. “I never really thought about how common these things are or are not, for me it was just natural. I love [my wife] and it’s just a way for me to show respect to her by taking her name,” says Svensson Ghosh.

‘Svensson’ also happens to be his mother’s maiden name; he and his brother adopted her last name. “To be honest, Svensson is a very common Swedish name and boring for me, so to get a new, more interesting name was a thrill,” he jokes.

While for Svensson Ghosh, it was simply an organic decision to have a common family name, his Indian-origin wife recounts her experience slightly differently:

“We met in 2017 and got married in 2021, in Sweden. I’ve always kept my maiden name, even through my first marriage. I never changed it. Christian and I discussed how we would not take a [new] family name since I didn’t want to change mine. Also, he didn’t want to adopt a third, completely bizarre family name. So he offered to take my name instead, and became Christian Svensson Ghosh. I still am Amrita Ghosh so our family name now is Ghosh. Since this is not unusual in Sweden (there’s no pressure on women to change their names), you can do whatever feels right to you as a couple. Kids in Sweden often adopt their mom’s last name with no sign of the father’s last name.

I was born and raised in Kolkata and Delhi and moved to the US when I had just hit my twenties. So for more than half of my life, I’ve lived outside of India. My first marriage was an arranged one; I was very young and a change of last name was expected. When I didn’t do it, everyone around me, including my friends and acquaintances in the US, gave me a lot of flak for not changing my name.

I also have a son with my ex-husband. When he was born, we decided he would have both our last names. So he carries his first name, my last name and his father’s last name as his full name. It’s his legal name everywhere, including at school and on official documents like his passport. But while I see it as a hyphenated last name, it’s often considered a middle name and dropped off. Only the man’s name gets carried forward, without anyone questioning it.”

“When I think back to my childhood, I remember pandits would ask for the gotra [clan] and caste [of the attendees] during pujas. They believed that when a woman gets married she becomes a part of the husband’s gotra and caste, and that’s why it’s important for the woman to change her last name. But it’s very strange, right? The whole structure is created to take over a woman’s identity and wipe off her earlier one.

When Christian decided to add my last name, my father said, ‘Welcome to the family’. But a few of my friends teased us. They said it’s ridiculous. I was quite shocked at their reactions. They consider it a fad, and don’t understand or believe that it’s legal and not just a Facebook name change. It sometimes gets to me that people don’t believe in the seriousness of it. A handful of very close friends find it interesting and intriguing, but mostly it is considered a joke.

Last summer, in 2023, we travelled to Kolkata, and whenever we were someplace where my husband’s full name, Christian Svensson Ghosh, had to be mentioned, people would look up. A white dude called ‘Ghosh’ begets laughter more than anything. Would you be laughing if I said my name was Amrita Svensson? No, because it would be assumed that I got married to this guy and my name changed. But when it comes to him, there is always a reaction or an incredulous laugh. Even he does not like it.

But we don’t care. Honestly, we find it very funny that people react this way. We just go about our lives because we didn’t do it to grab attention or start a movement of any kind. We just did it because we wanted to make a family name for both of us. He decided he wanted to take my family name. And he never expected me to take his name. It was just as simple as that.

Maybe sometime in the future, I may consider becoming Amrita Svensson Ghosh, too. I sometimes joke that maybe it’ll bring in some kind of extra writer-ly luck if I change my name. But because I’m in the public space with my books and writing, I don’t want to suddenly change that aspect of my life. Actually, I don’t want to change anything about my name.”