5 millennial couples reshaping the road to "Toh rishta pakka samjhe?"

Love marriages are on the rise but arranged marriages are still very much the norm

Who was your first crush? Perhaps a Hardy boy, or your neighbour Tina who played badminton with you after school, or even Edward Cullen from the Twilight series. Now imagine sitting across them at a dinner table, discussing all the questions you should ask a prospective partner before settling down. How would they fare? Over the years, our likes, dislikes, and more importantly, our priorities change significantly. We no longer aspire to be whisked away to a private island by a 100-year-old emotionally unavailable vampire; instead, we need open, honest discussions on whether to live separately or with your in-laws, or start afresh in another city, just the two of you.

Modern arranged marriages often dive straight into these questions: deciding where you and your partner will live, aligning your life and financial goals, and sharing parental responsibilities. While most of us have rolled our eyes at the outdated practice in our angsty teens and early twenties, and scoffed at the previous generation’s advice to ‘just adjust’ and ‘be flexible’, does the idea of an arranged marriage still make sense today? The reality is, they are nowhere close to dying out. Love marriages are on the rise but ‘modern arranged marriages’ are still the norm in India, with many enthusiastic participants.

However, millennials are reshaping the concept of an arranged marriage, blending tradition with modern values in a way that integrates the best of both worlds. We spoke to five millennial couples from diverse regions and backgrounds to explore how modern arranged marriages differ from those of previous generations.

“I wanted a spouse who would support my individual life goals”

In New Delhi, Anika Bhatia, 36, and Anay Shetty, 37, began their matrimonial journey after their parents orchestrated a meeting at a mutual friend’s son’s wedding. Despite high anxiety levels, the two got along like rabdi and jalebi. Anika, a software engineer, was caught off guard by the introduction, but decided to go with the flow. By this point, she was tired of the “games people play on dating apps” and was ready to settle. “I wanted a spouse who would support my individual life goals, not someone who would expect me to give them up for his,” she explains.

She also had a clear list of non-negotiables from the start. “I’m ambitious, and I prioritise my family above all else,” she says. At their second meeting, Anika clarified that she wasn’t willing to follow the traditional path expected of many women, where they sacrifice their aspirations and familial ties in favour of their husband’s priorities and life goals. She sought an equal partnership. “I wanted a partner who would respect and care for my parents like I would his. Equal responsibilities extend to every aspect of life,” she says.

Anay, a marketing executive, got the message loud and clear. “I knew it would take adjustment, mainly on my part, but I was ready to support her through her career journey, wherever it would take her. She’s the bigger breadwinner, and chasing that over my career makes financial sense,” he says. “These were things we discussed before letting our parents know we wanted to proceed.”

In contrast to previous generations, where gender roles were more rigid, Anika and Anay leaned into their individual strengths to build a balanced partnership. In fact, it was Anika’s upfront honesty and openness that Anay found most endearing. “I thought it would scare him away, like most men,” laughs Anika. Seven months after their first meeting in January 2021, the couple decided to get engaged, and married six months later. Today, their relationship thrives on shared responsibilities, from managing finances to household chores, and defying traditional gender roles.

“Living separately was crucial for me. It allows us to grow as a couple without the influence of our families”

Chennai-based Meena*, 38, and Arvind,* 39, embody another evolving aspect of modern arranged marriages: the desire for independent living. Having been raised in traditional families with progressive ideas, they shared the aspiration to build a life together on their own terms, away from their respective family homes.

Their first meeting had a touch of serendipity. “My mother’s cousin and Meena’s mother’s best friend were neighbours in Hyderabad. When they came for a visit to Chennai, we all ended up meeting. The families got talking in one room, while us ‘youngsters’ were chatting in another. I was already smitten by her,” says Arvind, a civil engineer.

As their families continued to meet over shared celebrations, they noticed Meena and Arvind’s compatibility. The ‘marriage conversation’ followed, which made them slightly wary, since they were both familiar with the highs and lows of living in a big, fat Indian family.

“When the marriage talk started, we got awkward and shy,” recalls Arvind. “But when we finally sat down to talk, I told her that living separately was crucial for me. It allows us to build our own space and grow as a couple without the immediate influence of our families.”

This shift towards independent living with clearer boundaries signified a departure from the earlier practice of newlyweds often moving in with the groom’s family. It reflects the couple’s desire for autonomy and the need to establish their identity together.

“I completely understood where he was coming from. We respect our families immensely, but we wanted the freedom to create our own traditions and routines,” says Meena. “His family wasn’t happy about it, they expected us to stay in his ancestral home. But we overcame that. Of course, the taanas still come, and mostly towards him!”

“We’re creating a new culture that belongs to us both”

In Gurugram, Nidhi, 29, and Karanvir Singh, 31, exemplify how modern arranged marriages can beautifully blend cultures. Nidhi, a fashion designer, and Karanvir, a finance professional, knew that integrating their cultural and religious differences would require a lot of understanding and respect—not just between themselves but also from their families. “He’s a Sikh, I’m a Hindu,” shares Nidhi. “Our families might only see differences, but between us, we had so many commonalities.”

One day, on returning home from work, Nidhi found her mother and a matchmaker going over a stack of ‘biodata’. “She did this without telling me because she knew I would protest,” says Nidhi. Karanvir’s profile was in that pile, which her mother had set aside due to a ‘cultural mismatch’, but something about him intrigued Nidhi. “Ma said, ‘Chalo, it’s a start.’ [But] I didn’t need to meet anyone else.”

Over time, they began to notice differences in their upbringing, traditions and beliefs, along with meaningful similarities. “We had the same approach to life and work, how we’d raise kids, even love for the same football and cricket teams,” says Karanvir. Though initially hesitant, their parents warmed up to the idea of them as a couple after witnessing their compatibility.

“Nidhi and I make a conscious effort to learn about and appreciate our differences, especially with each other’s families. We’re creating a new culture that belongs to us both,” explains Karanvir. Due to their different religions, the couple opted for a civil marriage under the Special Marriage Act of 1954, and celebrated with a huge party alongside their family and friends.

Though neither of them is “deeply religious”, they do engage with each other’s cultural practices. Nidhi participates in Karanvir’s seva and Karanvir fasts with his wife during Navratri. “We decided we will introduce our children to both our religions and practices, and once they are old enough, they can make their own decision,” says Nidhi.

“We didn’t leave anything ambiguous. Nothing to be ‘figured out’ later”

Lucknow natives Zara Ahmed, 31, and Ayaan Khurshid, 33, met through a matrimonial website, and connected over their shared ambition and dream of climbing Mount Everest. Zara, a graphic designer, and Ayaan, a journalist, found mutual admiration in each other’s work, and even envisioned potential work collaborations. When the subject of meeting families arose, they both agreed that they should meet by themselves first before involving anyone else.

These meetings became a space for them to dream, discuss and deliberate everything from living situations to division of work and domestic responsibilities, and finding ways to support each other when needed. “I liked his frankness,” says Zara. “He told me about his familial responsibilities as the eldest [son]. I told him about my desire to wait a little to have children, and perhaps even freeze my eggs.”

Ayaan adds, “We didn’t leave anything ambiguous. People always say, ‘Dekh lenge baad mein’ [we’ll figure it out later]. No, we left nothing to ‘figure out’ later. Certain conversations should be had before getting married or having children; otherwise, it will not work or cause strife. We talked through it all before taking the next step.”

“The common goal is marriage, but we’re taking our time to get there”

NCR-based Meera Sanghvi and Rishi Raj Guha, both 31, are adding their own twist to the traditional arranged marriage process. Despite meeting through the “arranged marriage market“, the couple have transitioned into what feels like a dating phase. Meera, an entrepreneur, and Rishi, an architect, are intent on using this time to truly get to know each other before making a commitment.

“We both knew we wanted to take our time,” says Meera. “We met through the arranged marriage setup—my mother hired a matchmaker, and so did his. They connected our families and introduced us over a video call. We then decided to meet for coffee alone. It felt like a great starting point, we didn’t want to rush into anything.”

Rishi agrees, emphasising that the main intention of this courtship period is to understand each other better. “Our common goal is engagement and marriage, but we’re taking our time to get there, and building a strong foundation first,” he says. During this time, they’ve discovered a shared love for Led Zeppelin, animal welfare and volunteering, and a commitment to values like empathy, honesty and good manners. “We’re learning about each other’s lives, goals and quirks. Our day-to-day interactions and conversations are bringing us closer,” adds Meera.

Their families were initially surprised by this slow-burn approach, expecting the more traditional process of gauging compatibility over a few meetings and finalising an engagement date, to be followed by a wedding. Instead, Meera and Rishi describe their relationship status as “dating with intention” with no fixed timeline for their next step. “We’re spending this time to work on slowly joining our lives. We want to see what works and what doesn’t. [We’re] trying to get through the teething problems now. This way, we’d be making a decision that feels right for both of us.”

*Names changed upon contributor’s request for anonymity.