How to tell your partner he smells funky down there without heading for splitsville

Don’t forget about oral health either

Lying in your partner’s warm embrace after a late-night session of Netflix and chilling, you suddenly get a whiff of something funky. And not the usual post-coital scents that tend to linger. It’s something… off. But before you can say anything, his deep snores resonate in your ears. Isn’t it ironic that two people getting down and dirty, sharing moments of deep intimacy, get a gulab jamun of hesitancy stuck in their throats when it comes to talking about certain topics, like sexual hygiene for men? It can feel like hitting a speed bump on a national highway.

We’re slowly learning to prioritise our pleasure – we have those books and films that get us hot and bothered – but we should also be talking about basic sexual health. Women have been shamed criticised enough about everything from colour and smell to the shape and size of their lady bits to be aware of what’s normal (and not) down there. But sexual hygiene for men can be a touchy subject to bring up with your partner. We get it; it’s not the sexiest topic to think about while you’re playing strip poker or spicing things up in the bedroom, but nobody wants to come away from a steamy night with an unpleasant reminder in the form of a rash and an itchy crotch.

“Sexual health goes beyond consent and safe sex. It’s about being proactive when it comes to your genital hygiene and addressing any problems promptly to ensure a pleasant sexual experience for you and your partner,” says Noida-based urologist Dr Raj Mahindra. “Two people are at risk here, and good sexual hygiene is a responsibility we all have if we are choosing to be sexually active.”

Mahindra adds that circumcision plays a factor as well. He refers to a small study of 150 non-circumcised and 75 circumcised men in London. Circumcised men were more likely to wash their genital area more than once a day, and non-circumcised men were more likely to not properly cleanse their whole penis (including retracting the foreskin). “This can lead to build-up that can cause swelling, irritation and infection that can be passed to a partner.”

Talking about sexual hygiene with your husband, boyfriend or situationship can sometimes feel like stepping into a minefield of emotions, ego and awkwardness. But you know you can’t avoid the issue unless you’re ready to start holding your breath for long periods.

So, how do you broach this delicate subject of sexual hygiene for men without causing offence or triggering a shame spiral? We have experts Dr Praniti Mansukhlal, an Ahmedabad-based psychologist, and Dr Madhumati Kaul, a sex therapist and marriage counsellor based in Bengaluru, along with Mahindra, to help us address the elephant in the room without ruining our relationships.

Timing is everything

You’re winding down after a delicious dinner, the ambience is just right, and you’re both feeling relaxed. Or maybe it’s a lazy weekend afternoon, the sun is streaming through the curtains, the kids are out playing, and you’re lounging on the sofa together. These are the moments when you want to broach the topic of sexual hygiene with your partner. You want to catch him when he’s not stressed or preoccupied, ensuring that he’s receptive to the conversation and not caught off guard.

“Choosing the right moment sets the stage for a productive and respectful discussion. Your tone is soft and casual, such as, ‘Can we talk about something that’s been on my mind?’ Be kind but direct,” says Kaul.

Lead by example

Leading by example in sexual hygiene is all about practising what you preach—or, in this case, what you gently suggest. You take the helm by prioritising your own sexual hygiene routine, whether it’s by indulging in the right bath products, regular grooming sessions, routine doctor visits, or simply maintaining good personal hygiene habits.

Mansukhlal says that by taking the initiative to care for yourself in this way, you’re not only setting a standard for cleanliness, but also sending a powerful message to your partner that you’re both in this together.

Offer solutions to the problem

When addressing sexual hygiene for men, approach the conversation as a collaborative journey rather than assigning blame.

Instead of dwelling on the problem, focus your energy on finding practical solutions you can implement together. This not only shifts the conversation away from criticism, but also empowers both partners to take ownership of their sexual health and hygiene.

You can also make it fun by incorporating pre-game showers or baths together, turning the act of cleansing into a sensual and enjoyable ritual that enhances your foreplay.

Focus on health, not appearances

You can initiate the conversation by stressing that good hygiene transcends mere appearances – a fundamental aspect of maintaining your health and preventing infections.

“By steering the dialogue in this direction, you pivot away from superficial concerns and emphasise the critical role of sexual hygiene in preserving your intimacy and holistic health,” says Kaul.

If your partner is a ‘facts man’, as Mansukhlal says, share statistics like good sexual hygiene for men can substantially reduce the risk of common infections, such as UTIs (which are more complicated to treat in men) and yeast infections.

This way, it won’t feel like an attack on anyone’s body or appearance; instead, it will make health the focal point, with both partners prioritising it as a united front.

Circle back

Follow up and check in with your partner after your initial conversation. It’s important to keep communication lines open and ensure they feel supported. Encourage them to share any concerns or issues that may have arisen since your discussion. Addressing sexual hygiene may feel awkward at first, but doing so with empathy and understanding can deepen your bond and improve overall communication in your relationship, says Mansukhlal.

Reassure your partner that your intention behind broaching this topic stems from care and concern, not judgment. Mansukhlal emphasises the need to reaffirm your connection during such delicate discussions. Let your partner know that this isn’t a matter of physical attraction, but an opportunity to strengthen your relationship by taking your communication about intimate needs to the next level.

The consensus among the experts we consulted is that while hygiene is important, it’s perfectly normal for your partner not to smell like a field of flowers down there. “There will be a smell of some kind, whether for men or women. That is completely normal, and no advertisement for intimate washes should sway you,” says Mahindra. We all have natural odours, sometimes a bit extra sweaty after a basketball game or smelly from the long commute home. You’re on the same page as long as you’re keeping things clean and having fun.